theLoveLogic New WordPress Blogs

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Please join us at theLoveLogic for our initial WordPress Grand opening.

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Thank you all for your support!!

 

-SuperDave71

Do They Dream About Me?

In our darkest hours, fear tends creep into our hearts and takes root. It convinces us to give up all hope and abandon all thoughts of what used to be. Happiness becomes a thing of the past and our hearts begin to turn cold but not by our own choice. The world as we know it becomes a different place. The love we thought would be ours forever is over. Fate, as it seems, dealt you a bad hand and you are left with the emptiness and sadness that was once filled with the love that was once yours. Was it all a dream? No, you tell yourself, I just wasn’t strong enough for love to stay.

No matter your current situation, things will always get better. Who wants to hear after a breakup that there are other fish in the sea? No one wants to believe that true love is really dead and that there isn’t a hope of reconciliation. The princess and prince of all fairy tales live happily ever after.

-True love never dies-

How many times have you sat and blamed yourself over circumstances beyond your control? Did you ever purposely sabotage your relationship in order to feel the way you do now? I think not. Words cannot express the emptiness a broken heart brings but we have all felt it. We have all felt that hollow in our chests. The world suddenly becomes a cloudy and dismal place. Memories become your solace and your heart aches because the love you had is over. Will they dream of me? Will they ever understand how much I love and need them? If they only knew what it is I feel inside, they would have never stopped loving me. They broken-hearted rational is only there to attempt to convince yourself that they will come back. They loved you once and soon they will realize what they are missing. The reality is that you hope underneath all the fear and tears that they are thinking exactly the way you are.

No one can ever give you advice on how to feel after a breakup. No matter if they have the best intent, only you can feel the way you do. The real question is how long are you going to choose to feel the way you do?

**Read that last part again**

Listen to my words, you have control over you. If you want to get lost and caught up in your own sadness and think you are not worth loving then I hope you can find solace in knowing you are not alone and nor is the world out to prove you’ re the only person in existence that cannot find or feel love in its truest form.

In my opinion, people have forgotten how to interact with one another. We text, email, rely on social networking in order to communicate yet we forgot what it is to be interpersonal. Our coping skills are less than they ever were. Take a pill for your ill instead of coping with the very thing you possibly could control if you just tried. We all want our problems to just go away. No one wants to suffer from heartache any more than they want to suffer from any horrific disease or genetic condition. To learn how to ground yourself is to open your eyes to what it is that living is about. You may have lost love (for now) but you are loved. You have the audacity not to look at what love you do have in order to suffer with the love you don’t. From the day you were conceived, someone has loved you. Chances are, over the years, that love has grown through family and friends. We all have our support system. These forums alone have thousands of strangers reaching out to other strangers all over the world in order to get advice from others that want to help. Just because we are from different backgrounds, geographical locations, religions and race doesn’t mean we all want what every wants…and that is to be loved and appreciated for who we are.

No one says it’s easy to suffer a broken heart but it gets easier when you put your life into perspective. I know it hurts right now. Remember that just because the day is cloudy doesn’t mean the sun isn’t there. We have to look beyond our boundaries. To deal with grief and heartache is merely a stepping stone in handling what it is to be alive. Sure it hurts for now but like death we will all have to go down the same road someday. You are no different. Life is what you make of it. Use the time you have wisely. No one in the world is to blame but you. If you believe in a higher power, take comfort in knowing God created millions of people for you to learn from. Take the time to love yourself and learn from others. Stop trying to convince yourself that your life is over because someone chose to leave. Chances are you had no say so in their decision but you do have 100% say in what it is YOU do and feel.

There is no magical formula in getting someone to come back. What I can tell you is so simple you probably won’t believe it at first but I know that those that respond to this post can attest. What brings someone back is love. Not the love you have for them now because they left but the love you showed them because you did love them with all your heart. No one on earth can take away true love. Looks fade and people change but truelove has NO boundaries. Even death cannot change what it is to be loved. Take my advice and learn that though these are just words, that I love you all. If I didn’t care, though I am a familiar name, I wouldn’t continue to post my thoughts and lessons I have been blessed to share. I am a stranger. I am a simple guy that has a huge heart and I want others to not agree with my opinions but to reflect upon them.

If your heart is broken, I will pray for you. I have been there. I have been on my knees and didn’t know how to get up because the loss of love took the life right out of me. I was given the strength to rise above my heartache. It wasn’t easy but I am proof you can do it. All you have to do is start believing in yourself. No one says you have to stop hoping love will return. You have to make that change in order for someone to WANT to come back. The secret is to do it for you and not for someone else. Why you ask? Because if you change for someone and they leave once again, they take what you changed for in the first place. If you change for you, they can NEVER take that away.

We all need improvement. Love isn’t perfect but it takes practice. Take the focus off of what you don’t have and pace it on what it is you DO have. When you ground yourself, you will start to open your eyes to the bigger picture. To put it into perspective, chances are you will live to see tomorrow regardless if you have a broken heart or not. There are those out in the world who are not worried about a broken heart but are wondering if they will see tomorrow. You will love and live to see another day. You may not see it in front of you but understand that things do not happen because you want them to; you have to make them happen. How is this possible? Plain and simple, you can’t make people love you but you can surely make them NOT love you. To work on your confidence, positive attitude and self-worth are all you need in order to make love find you once again. The key is to understand that love has standards. Love is attracted to confidence, not arrogance. Love is attracted to those that are motivated in attaining a goal but understand where they came from. Love is attracted to those that show compassion rather than empathy. Love is attracted to love. If you don’t love yourself, then love will be deterred.

Putting a band-aid on fixing yourself is like flying a kite in a tornado…it will be very short lived and other will see right through you. Self-improvement takes time. NOT other people’s time but your own. Quit putting a time table on love. If you are still trying to convince yourself that you have to get someone back quickly because someone else is in the shadows, then you have already lost. You are trying to get back a possession rather than love itself. Love is not a possession but a positive feeling between two or more people. If love cannot be reciprocated between BOTH parties, then it will never work. Take the time limitations off of your goal and you will be freed mind, body and soul to deal 100% with you rather than someone else. Lift the burden of changing you in order to be loved by someone else. Ask yourself ONE VERY IMPORTANT question.

**Would they do the same for me?**

If you answer no, then let go and learn from your time together. Close the chapter in order to write a new one. Life is nothing more than a series of lessons. If we don’t learn from those lessons, what have we truly learned? Stand up tall because today is a new day. The sun still shines despite your heart and head trying to convince you otherwise. Just because you can’t see tomorrow doesn’t mean you can’t change it or make it better than today. Learn that every day you choose to grow in a positive direction, even without the one you love, doesn’t mean you are not making progress.

Do they still dream about you? With all that I am, I hope that they do.

Let go of doubt, fear and hopelessness in order to let your light shine through.
I believe in you. It’s about time you believed in yourself.

Your Friend,

SuperDave71

One Last Cry

Take from my website at: http://www.thelovelogic.com/forum/forum.php

“It can’t be over” you keep telling yourself over and over trying to convince your heart that the person you shared so many years with is gone. It’s amazing how fast the human heart can not only be broken but shattered into a million little pieces. The day was like every other day but something….something was just different in their tone. Why did they pick today? Do they not understand how much I have tried to make this work? I know the last couple of months have been difficult but I have done what I could to try and make them happy. I made sacrifices for them I wouldn’t ordinarily do for anyone, let alone someone I loved. If they only gave me a little more time, I know I could convince them to stay.

So it begins…

No matter who you are… your race, beliefs or nationality, we share one very common bond and that is love. We all want to be loved, valued and respected. My question to you is at what price are we willing to give up the core of who we are in order to be loved? In my personal experience, I used to put my personal needs aside in order to fulfill someone else’s needs. I use to believe that putting my own selfish needs on the backburner was the ultimate sacrifice in showing the one that mattered most to me how much I did love them. I took great efforts to go out of my way in order to please my partner. I am not referring to gift giving or random act of kindness. I am referring to being at their beckon call. For those that don’t know me, I am a pleaser by nature and it makes me feel really good when I see others happy, especially if I was able to contribute. I don; know why I am the way I am but it’s true.

Some would say this ability is a gift, depending on the situation it can be or it can be a curse. It really depends on how it is used. I am here to share with you my experiences with past breakups in order to help you understand my way of thinking and how I was able to deal with all the different feelings I had during the breakup, soon after, long after and today. My life experiences are no different than your own. I am not a therapist. I am a single guy that writes in order to pass my knowledge, thoughts and opinions to you in hopes of making you, the reader, happy if not happier in your current situation. Everyone’s situation is different. No one can tell you what you should and shouldn’t do. What they can do is offer heart-felt advice based on what they would possibly do while putting themselves in your shoes. For those who have been inspired by my writings, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate everyone’s opinions as well as feedback. You are appreciated and I hope this post can inspire you to not only help yourself, but pass what you’ve learned to others in need.

Let’s begin…

When someone leaves you, your heart is hollow. The emptiness in your chest “hurts”. When I use the word hurt I am not referring to physical pain. Emotional pain can be quite devastating if you let it consume you. Everyone takes the time to grieve and lick their wounds so to speak. No matter how much you talk about your situation, only time will allow you to heal. The key is to use your time wisely. So many people have asked me advice over the years. I have said over and over again that no matter what your situation is or how long you were together, if the other person doesn’t want you, they plain and simple do not want to be a part of your life anymore. Let that thought sink in a moment. I know it’s hard to accept. I never said the truth would be easy. I choose to be a realist rather than fill your head with false hopes that your ex will magically return to you. This has been true to many loving couples but until this happens, I will choose to base my advice on what you should do for YOU and not what you should do for your ex.

You are all you’ve got. You were single BEFORE you met your ex. To be brutally honest, you can leave thoughts of “we were perfect for each other” at the door. I have no doubt that in your season(s) (Time together) you WERE perfect. What I never understood years ago, is that seasons change. Let me explain a little bit more clearly. We know each year we have four seasons: winter, spring, summer and fall. A season is a season right? Not necessarily. To go a little deeper…was last year’s spring exactly like this past spring? No. Though it was the same season, the season itself changed…maybe slightly but it was not the same. People can be the same way. The time you had together may have been some of the best years of your life but you can ONLY say that looking back and comparing it to your present. No one knows the future. We can hope for the best and our lives are what WE make it. For example: If we choose to stay broken by a breakup and wallow in self-pity, you will stay there. Your hopes that were always in your heart are now all but forgotten because your ex walked out on you. I know what it’s like to lose your pride, your self-worth and personal self-esteem. I’ve been there. If you re-read the following sentence, you will notice a little word that says “lose”. Let’s look at the definition of the word lose for a moment:

Lose: to miss from one’s possession or from a customary or supposed place
: to suffer deprivation of : part with especially in an unforeseen or accidental manner
: to suffer loss through the death or removal of or final separation from (a person) b : to fail to keep control of or allegiance of

THIS is the very thing YOU have the power to change. No matter where you are or who you are, you have the ability to not stay lost. You can find not only what it was you lost, but gain back the power, the knowledge and the ability to be better than you were before. How do you do it? Simple, you take back the power you gave your ex. When my breakup occurred many years ago, my thoughts and feeling were consumed with thoughts of my ex. I had millions of unanswered questions I wanted answers to. I was hurt, broken, resentful and downright sad. I loved her and if I was unable to show her how much I did love her, then she would STOP loving me. (or so I thought) The truth was, she fell out of love with me months ago. I just didn’t want to accept the truth. Time or experience didn’t matter. The cold truth was she just wasn’t in love with me anymore. Talk about a reality check. I choose to look at what I call the “root”. The definition plain and simple is the core of the issue. THIS IS ONE OF THE HARDEST THING TO FACE after a breakup. To put all the feelings, emotions and questions aside for a moment can be overwhelming at first, but you have to look at your root in order to come to terms with your break.

The time you have after a break is yours; not your ex’s. Our thoughts can be consumed on ways of getting them back but your focus is in the wrong place. You need to first get YOU back. Common sense says that if they walked away from you and you try to follow, it makes you look:
1. Needy
2. Desperate
3. Crazy

How are the following words positive? They all have a negative connotation. Who wants to feel more negative than they already are? Why beat yourself up when someone possibly just gave you the beating of your life emotionally? You have to come to terms with your current reality. If someone just left you, then you are now single. You have to face facts that you do not control what your ex is doing, thinking, or feeling. The way I have often put it, you can’t make someone love you but you SURE can do something to make them LOVE YOU LESS or NOT AT ALL. A good analogy is “The harder you try to hold onto something, the more you will either break it, injure it or allow it to slip right through your fingers.” Why hold onto something that just let you go? I know the heart wants what it can’t have. I know it took your years to find someone that loved you the way they did. I know it hurts but you have to face facts. If they just left you, you have to find YOU again in the present. You are not worthless. You are NOT a piece of trash. You may FEEL that way but the truth is, they just couldn’t love you enough to stay.

Stand on your own two feet. Straighten your backbone and tell yourself you will not be lost for long. I say grieve. We should all grieve over things we’ve lost that were personal to us but the key in grieving is to not STAY. Allow yourself the time to sort through your feelings and try to pick up the pieces that was once your heart. It takes time so don’t rush it. The more you tell yourself “how much longer am I going to feel this way” will only draw it out much longer. Why? Because you are giving a conscious thought over TRYING to feel better. For example: When you are having a long day at work, the more you want to go home, the slower the time goes by. Make sense? Stay busy and put forth a good effort to find who you were. If you need to get out of the house, find things that will occupy your mind. Do whatever it takes to learn from your experience. No one says it’s easy but with any talent, you must first practice in order to get better. Years ago, I allowed thoughts of my ex to occupy the little space in my head but in all reality, she didn’t deserve it. Why would I think about someone that in all reality wasn’t thinking of me…or maybe NOT in the same way? Ex’s are not our enemies. They are people just like you and I. If they found someone else to replace you…so be it. There is no one else just like you on the planet. You are unique in your own right. You love, feel and do things just as others do but no one loves, thinks and does things just like you. No matter how you are feeling right now, you will feel better. It’s up to you and how you choose to use your time in order to feel better.

If Mr. or Ms. Right just slipped out the door, let them walk. You can’t control them. You can only control you. Sure it hurts but you can get through this. Do not allow yourself to be broken long. To feel sorry for yourself is normal for a short while but realize tomorrow is a new day. Make the best of the short time you have on this earth. Are you seriously going to allow someone to rock your boat that you can’t continue your life journey? Are you kidding me? Throw them off your boat and sail on. You can do anything you want because you are you. Don’t let anyone make you feel unloved. Have enough self love and confidence that you can suffice with or without your ex. The best revenge anyone can have is to live, love and experience your life to the fullest. Take advantage of all the magical and positive things the world has to offer. If you need to, grab that favorite CD, sing like there’s no tomorrow. Make sure you play that air guitar better than Jimi Hendrix ever could.

Warning: Be careful. When you find YOU again…you might just be sexier, smarter and more confident that you have ever been. I will not only pray for you and your happiness. I pray that someone out there who may be currently broken find someone just like you to live and love.

Someone once told me that though we may be a thousand miles away…our love has no distance.

Lift your head up and stand tall my friend. Someone loves you. Someone will always love you. You are not alone. I am here with you 100% of the way.

Your Friend,

SuperDave71

Just To Be Me

Take from my website:  http://www.thelovelogic.com/forum/forum.php

There are so many out there that choose to hold onto something that isn’t there. I know this for a fact because years ago I did the same thing. I have written many posts about breaking up and getting back together but I wanted to bring something to light a little more detailed in hopes of helping someone that is having a tough time letting go. For the record, I want to describe what MY definition is of letting go. Letting go in my book is completely cutting all physical ties with someone BUT also attempting to cut all CURRENT EMOTIONAL ties.

I know what you’re thinking. You are going to disagree with me because you feel this is something that is impossible to do. Please note the words “CURRENT EMOTIONAL ties”. I want to be sure we are on the same page in hopes if furthering my ways of thinking. For clarity, I am NOT referring to forgetting about someone that you may have shared months or maybe even years with. I am only referring to cutting the emotional ties for now in order to start the healing process. How is this done? It’s not rocket science but it does take a great deal of effort and confidence in order to change your emotional habits.

Its one thing to physically remove you from someone’s life but it is completely different in removing it emotionally. I can remember so many years ago how I was constantly wondering if my ex was thinking of me. No matter how emotionally upset you may be over a breakup, I want to be honest to let you know that your ex partner DOES think of you but I also want to be a bit brutally honest and let you know that it may NOT be the way you HOPE they think of you. Regardless of how much we think of our ex’s, this doesn’t NOT…I repeat DOES NOT mean they think, feel or physically ache because you are no longer there. I am not trying to be hurtful. I am merely trying to help you understand that just because you feel something for your ex DOESN’T mean they feel the same. This is often a misconception in order for you to stay emotionally attached despite the physical bond being broken.

Letting go is NEVER easy. I have had many years of breakup, broken hearts and even getting back together episodes but no two situations are the same. I am merely giving advice based on my experiences as well as lessons learned thru the years. I have often wondered why my ex at the time left. What was it about me that they didn’t want anymore? Why was I being rejected like yesterdays trash or so it may seem? After I was dumped I would sit and think for hours, even days about my ex and all the good times we had. I would find myself spiraling out of control emotionally because my thoughts were always consumed with her. No matter how much time I wasted thinking of her and wanting answers, it finally came to me that EVEN IF I HAD ANSWERS would that really make breaking up with me ok? Would knowing everything that was in my ex’s heart make it ok to feel rejected? Sometimes it is better to NOT know the answers because it really wouldn’t make a positive difference either way.

Some people feel that if they knew the issues they could fix it. This may be true but once someone makes a firm decision it is rarely changed in the short term. It takes time for someone to physically notice a change and even longer to see an emotional change. Whether they choose to hang around and wait is up to them. My opinion is to leave completely in order to NOT give them the benefit of what it is they used to have. If you honestly think about it, the more you see or hear from your ex the more they will find the need to NOT contact you. Why is this? It’s because you can’t miss what is always there. They dumped you remember? Why give them something they threw away or didn’t care to nurture and love? Why beg for attention that falls not only on deaf ears?

Some may call it closure but in my opinion it merely clouds the fact that no matter what the reason, it will not bring them any closer to you. It will however fulfill our need for answers. As difficult as it was, talking NEVER solved anything and typically ended in blaming one another for allowing the relationship to crumble. One thing about blaming is that it SOLVES NOTHING and only pushes the other involved further away. I used to feel ten time worse when this occurred because my heart’s intentions were purely good yet I only proved to look worse in her eyes for trying to blame her partly for walking away. Once harsh words fly it’s difficult to take them back. Once they take root in someone else’s heart…it’s nearly impossible to weed out.

Letting go emotionally involves one MAJOR issue that is probably most difficult for us all and that issue is completely cutting all ties with the person you might so desperately want back in your life. No matter how much you love someone, you can do NOTHING to make them love you back the way you NEED to be loved. This is such a hard thing to comprehend. I use to believe that if I felt a certain way about my ex, that she would maybe feel the same because we loved one another at one time. Believe it or not, this was completely wrong. Honestly she ended up thinking of me because she wanted to know I was ok; not that my broken heart would make her change her mind. Many times those that did love us never intend to purposely hurt us. They merely want to make a very difficult decision easier on you as well as themselves. Who wants to feel guilty for purposely breaking your heart? Have you ever had to break with someone you loved? Was it easier because it was YOUR decision? I have been the one to break it off and honestly it was difficult for me because I never wanted to hurt the other. In all reality, it hurt us both.

Letting go of common habits can be difficult as well such as phone calls after work or on the ride home. It can be so difficult passing by a place you both used to be patrons knowing that it won’t happen again in all probability. Please don’t get me wrong, I choose to look at the reality of situations rather than give false hope. Yes there are those that get back together but they MOSTLY have ONE thing in common and that thing is distance. This is NOT the primary reason but it is a major factor knowing that the other knows NOTHING of what you are up to. The old expression says “Curiosity killed the cat”. What many do NOT understand is that NO CONTACT is only a small factor in getting back together. For example: If you were an a@@hole while in the relationship, they break with you YET DID NOT DO ANYTHING IN THE MEANTIME TO FIX YOUR MISTAKES…you will ALWAYS be an a@@hole. Sorry about my bluntness but you can’t expect someone to change if they do NOT want to change for themselves despite how much we want them to.

How can one start to let go in order to get you back? This is up for speculation but I believe it mostly has to do with taking back the power you gave them while in the relationship. When referring to ‘the power’ I am referring to giving up what you want in order to make someone else happy or satisfied regardless of your wants and needs. If this is done on a common basis (meaning you give and get back in return from your partner equally) means this is part of a healthy relationship. If you are constantly giving and putting your needs on the back burner in order to feel loved, then you are giving up your needs and wants in order to make them happy.

-Let me give you a harsh example of why this will never work.

Let’s assume you are a pleaser by nature (I am as well) and you constantly go out of your way in order to please your partner. Some say we give what we want in return. If you are feeling as if you have to do this more often than you did when you first started the relationship then you are implying that your needs do not matter as much as theirs. In your heart you may see this as a loving act but to others it is showing your partner that no matter what they do, you will be there. (This is NOT true all the time but this is the harshest of the examples I can come up with). My question is this…if you find yourself in this situation and your partner walks away what are they doing with YOUR power? They are taking it with them and you are left with NOTHING. Your self-worth goes right out the door as soon as they did. By standing up for yourself while IN the relationship you are showing that you are not a fool and nor will you settle for less than what you deserve. If you were unable to show your ex that you matter and that you are JUST AS IMPORTANT as they are, then you were giving up what mattered MOST to you in order to be loved by them. If they walked out on you…you are left TWICE as empty because you gave them the power to dominate you regardless of what you wanted and needed.

We tend to over romanticize when our partners leave. We choose to look at the good times. We want to see the relationship as “good” rather than the 8 months you were wondering why he had to walk away from you as he answered a text message for example. Why do we choose to hang on after someone leaves? In theory, I think it has to do with the old saying “something is better than nothing” mixed with a little bit of feeling as if all that time and effort is wasted. NO ONE wants to feel thrown away or worthless. We all want to feel accepted and loved for who we are and what we stand for. There are those out there that after a certain amount of time find that the compatibility of the relationship just wasn’t what they need. Does this mean all ex’s are bad? Absolutely not! Like all things, sometimes it just wasn’t meant to be. The key is to NOT make it into something that it wasn’t. I have talked with so many people that CHOOSE to hold onto someone because it took so long to find them that it seems hopeless in the future to find someone. In short, they are basing their future on their past. Some are just as bad into believing if they DID find romance again that they would probably just leave in the long run anyway. I tend to believe that those with LOWER self-worth tended to give MORE of themselves while in the relationship. When it walked out the door…so did their self-worth. Put yourself in their shoes, if you loved with ALL of what you had to offer and you were STILL rejected, how would you feel? The balance should have been give and give instead of give and take…and take… and take. One must EARN your love, respect and trust.

**Remember this**

It takes a long time to earn love, respect and trust but merely seconds to lose it all.

Never sell yourself short. You deserve love just like everyone else. Learning to let go of someone that let you go is difficult but you must learn in time to reorganize your priorities. If someone is out of your life, learn that you are ONE and NOT two. Know that YOU are the primary factor ALWAYS. If someone wants to be in your life, let them earn it. Never give up on you in order to be loved by another. If that love is not returned the same as it is given then you have NO BUSINESS with that person. Love is walking side by side…not ahead nor behind. Breaking up is never easy but you must learn to take the focus off of what WAS and concentrate everything on what IS. (You) By letting go you are NOT giving up on your ex. You are proving to yourself that YOU MATTER FIRST just like you always have. You are not a quitter. Let go of any notion or thought of you are giving up on your ex. The lesson you must learn is putting yourself first. This is not a selfish act. This is the way it should ALWAYS BE. Never back down from loving yourself. If your ex cannot see how special you are, who is to blame? You are your ex?

Remember you cannot control how others think, feel or act. You can only control you. Once you start to accept that no matter what you do…you can’t control what is not controlled by you…then and only then will you gain a better understanding of you. After all… you are all you’ve got.

I wish you peace and love,

SuperDave71

How to POSSIBLY Get Your Ex Back With the No Contact Rule

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http://www.thelovelogic.com/forum/forum.php

I have reading posts left and right trying to give as much positive advice I can to try to help those that right now are having a tough time with break-ups. I know the feelings inside are devistating as well as not being able to turn off the images in your head and of course that feeling of your heart hurting as it pounds out of your chest.

Depression can rob you of sleep, appetite, thinking clearly, making mistakes, and you could possibly start to feel as if you are worthless. Nothing could be further from the truth. First of all…ya have me. I am here and of course you have an army of people all over the world who are on your side and are willing to help you anyway we can whether it be advice, posting comments, or just a simple hello can sometimes make a big difference in someone’s life.

I am a very firm believer of NC. When I say NC…I mean COMPLETE NC. NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER.

Here’s why:

If you have been dumped it is typically about the following:

1. Arguing to much
2. Maturity level (to young for a serious relationship)
3. Someone else came along
4. “Need Space”
5. An ex came BACK in the picture
6. Money
7. Someone cheated on you or vice versa
8. You were not what they hoped for in the first place.
9. Pregnancy

I am sure there are several more but I wanted a quick list.

When an ex breaks up with you, what are they initially saying? They are saying I do not want to date you anymore. They are telling you THEIR rules. They are telling you sometimes “We can still be friends”. I agree with this last statement BUT only after a certain amount of time has been given. How much time? You can determine this time by asking yourself this question. “Could I handle seeing my ex with someone new?” If not….wait..if so, you’re going to be fine.

My idea of NC is give the ex EXACTLY what they asked for. They want to breakup…no problem. You’re not playing a game. You are not worth dating anymore but we can still hang out? What is THAT about!

You need to stand up for yourself (even though it hurts so much) an realize you are somone that deserves respect and if you don’t want to love me or even if you say love me…its by YOUR rules not mine. That is a selfish love. Saying you love someone and showing no love is cruel. It sets expectation on those who NOW expect to BE loved.

Give them what they asked for NOT what they want. You may not like the idea of NC. I understand that feeling. I know the feelin in your stomach that makes you want call them or just hear their voice. I have been there. I am an advocate AGAINST the common mistakes because I have done them all.

Everyone situation is different. There is no magic formula for success but you can increase your odds with an ex ONLY after you get yourself together. Calling an ex begging to take you back is NOT SEXY…it is not the impression you want to give either. What IS attractive is self confidence. Pick your chin off the floor and stop moping around waiting for the phone to ring. Ever watched a pot of water boil…it never does unless you walk away. (Figure of speak- a watched pot never boils) This applies EXACTLY the same. When you learn to LET GO of the expectation of getting your ex back it is USUALLY the same time they walk back in your life.

If you hold a wet bar of soap too tightly, what happens? It slips out of your hand.

Think about the above analogy very carefully. If you hold on to your ex too tightly…

I am not however saying to forget your ex. I am saying to shift the gears in reverse and concentrate on YOU. YOU are the one that matters right now. The ball is in your court. Work out…take up a class, read a book, learn to cook..etc etc. Stop wasting valuable time sulking about something you have NO CONTROL over. You do have control over YOU.

If you obsess about your ex, what good comes from it? What does it do to make you feel better about yourself? Absolutely NOTHING. Let me make this perfectly clear, you may feel worthless or depressed but you need to get off your hiney and go to the mirror and look at youself and say “I deserve better, I am someone, You may not love me but I love myself and THAT is what matters.”

It’s ok to feel heartbroken and down. Those are typical feelings and are very natural and needed for the healing process to start. What is NOT natural is process this to go on for months, even years.

The question that I get the most is “How do I get my ex back”…as well as “How can NC get my lover back?”..

The answer is…

THERE IS NO ANSWER….. Several factors have to come into play for this to work. Love is a 1 in 4 chance. for example:

1. If I love you and you don’t love me – Won’t work

2. You love me and I don’t love you – Won’t work

3. We both do not love one another – Won’t work

4. We both love one another – Could work

Notice I did not say WILL work. It is possible to get an ex back. Absolutely. But sometimes there is resentment of hard feeling especially if they were with another while you were apart. It will take alot of mutual understanding and communication between both parties.

I got my ex back when I realized I didn’t need her. I finally realized that I could be happy with or wthout her and I SHOWED IT THROUGH NC.

The key is not TELLING SOMEONE “I think we should do NO CONTACT”…. JUST DO IT. CUT THEM OFF out of the blue. Wait until you are ready.

By doing this, you are DEMONSTRATING instead of TALKING.

Talk is cheap..we all know this. “I will change”…”It will be different”…. Talking right after a breakup is really NOT a good idea because someone is hurting (if not both parties) and things can be said that could hurt your future chances of opening the door again.

By following NC and working on yourself….simple enough “YOU HEAL” and become stronger. Learn from your mistakes…

Life is waaaaay to short to be upset or depressed. Now get up and BE SOMEBODY…BE SOMEBODY for the rest of your life.

You can get through this…I did and I am here if you need me.

-Your friend,

SuperDave71

theLoveLogic Forum

 

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired

Do you remember the first time you saw them? Can you remember the way you felt when they looked at you for the very first time and smiled? Think back to the times when you couldn’t wait to see them again. Can you remember all the time you spent planning your limited time together and how you took pride in not only the way you looked but what you did? The sun shined a bit brighter. The moon was a bit more blue than it has ever been and the very stars in the heavens were there for you and only you to make a wish but this time you didn’t have to because it had already come true.

Love is the most natural high the mind, body and spirit can experience. Like a drug, we crave the way it makes us feel not only for the extraordinary emotion we feel but for the fact that we are loved right back. There is nothing in the world that can compare to it. Men and women have died in vain because of their forbidden love. The history books and literature throughout the globe are filled with love stories unparalleled with any work of fiction. There are no characters, only people who have felt the same thing you have including heartbreak and the feeling of emotional misery when it is not only taken away but stripped from their very lives never to see their lover again.

Poetry, music and artwork are filled with its beauty. “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” Famous epic battles have been fought in the name of love and glory. Men have sailed the seven seas to conquer those that oppose their queens and mother’s of their homeland in the name of love. Like the old expression says:
“Love conquers all…”

When you look at love in a historical aspect, it really puts not only your current situation in a different light, but it also helps you to realize that your heartache is probably the same as someone else thousand’s of centuries old though the situation and circumstances are different. Do you think the mistakes you might have made have not been made by so many throughout history? Are you an exception? With a heavy sigh, I proclaim “No at all.” Sure you are special, but you are not an exception even though you might feel so alone in your heartache that you choose to draw inward and not let anyone in.

Think of it this way, I bet there have been many that have shown up at someone’s castle or plantation under the cover of night and threw a pebble at the window to get the attention of a lover…just to say “I love you so much…I had to see you.” DO you really think your situation is new? Do you feel all alone in your quest for getting your ex back? Not even close. There have been those that love and lost and there have been those that never loved…which would you want to be?

We learn from our mistakes but the key is to remember what those mistakes were. How do we know what was a mistake or not? How do you know that by doing nothing that your ex isn’t at home praying that you show up and wrap your arms around them, look them in the eyes and say “I was a fool. I am not half the man/woman I am when I am with you.” It sounds so perfect. We see the movies. We read the books. We hear stories all over the Internet on “How to get your ex back.” The secret is only $29.95 with no money back guarantee. I love the one that says “Have you ex back in 3 days or less” for $49.99. I assume this is a book about kidnapping because let’s face it; it’s not going to happen.

All good things take time. Like I have always said, imagine your love between you and your ex like a gourmet meal. I don’t want a microwave love affair. Who really craves the instant meal that all we have to do is add hot water. I want something that blossoms and takes time to prepare so that we can both enjoy it in the future; like a fine wine.

The secrets of love have been the same for centuries and that secret is this.

“If someone doesn’t love you, no matter how hard you try to make them love you, it will almost always fail.”

To all my seasoned veterans out there, you know exactly what I am talking about. Years ago, when I wanted to catch the eye of a certain beauty, I would do anything I was good at. It could be my sense of humor or even singing her a song. When all else failed, I figured “YOU MUST TRY HARDER!!”. Oh the pain, suffering and humiliation I could have saved throughout the years. Men tend to have a competitive streak in them and when all else fails, be the exception.

To my male audience out there, can’t you remember the times you would tell yourself, “I just have to try harder and stick this out. She will come around.” Every little glance my love interest would show me I thought it was only for me. No matter if they looked at me and was thinking of someone else, I WANTED IT so BADLY to be for me. I would try so hard that finally I was so aggravated, not at them, but at myself that I usually ended up being their “Best Guy Friend”. Ahhhh those were the days. Let me tell you, there is nothing harder than loving someone in secret and them confide in you about someone they love. You sit and smile and you look into their eyes as if to scream and wave your arms yelling “HEY!! I AM RIGHT HERE!! I LOVE YOU ….CAN’T YOU SEE ME!!! I LOOOOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH!!”

There is something harder…much, much harder.

To those that have felt this after a relations hip has turned sour, I feel for you. I honestly do.

I felt this over 4 years ago. It goes something like this. How can I describe such pain? Well, let me try. Heartache is one thing but having your heart ripped from your chest and stomped on is another. Naturally after a breakup that was not that bad, one or both parties, with time, might have possible regrets about breaking up. The minutes seem like hours and the hours seem like days. The phone never rings. The more you want the time to pass, the day drags on and the nights are so much worse that I can’t begin to describe it. The walls begin to close in. The thought of yesterday’s hug, a lingering last kiss, their smell in a pillow, their clothes they left, their picture, the songs you hear are always about breaking up or things that remind you of them. I think we all can relate.

Are you ready? Here it comes..now brace yourself.

*deep sigh*

The phone finally rings a week later. You jump over the couch like a gazelle and say a mild “Hello..”. ‘Um..Hello Dave? Yeah…Hey, It’s <blank> Oh hey, how are you? Um..I am fine. I have been thinking about you a lot. Really?; So Have I. The smile on your face begins to form because the conversation is going well…so you think. I really miss you <blank>. I miss you too. The conversation falls silent as your heart begins to beat out of your chest. The smile and mod begins to loosen.

“Hey, <blank> I was wondering if you would like to…” but you are cut off to the sound of ’Dave, I wanted to tell you that I am seeing someone else and I thought you should know.’

The wind is knocked not only from your lungs but from your soul.

“Hello…? Hello…are you there….?”

“Yeah I am here…Hey um…look; The tears begin to form before you can get off the phone. “I gotta go ok?…I will talk with you soon.”

“But Dave?….I wanted to <click> The phone falls silent as I fell to my knees. There are no words to describe the feelings I had but I can say this. The feeling robbed me of smiling for almost 5 months.

What do you do? What can you do? We all know that begging and pleading DO NOTHING. Showing up at their door and acting a fool doesn’t work. Getting drunk or high is just plain stupid when trying to get an ex back. You might as well say goodbye now because the only thing you will be doing is justifying why they left you in the first place. Life can be so cruel.

What WORKS?!?! This is no secret. This is not some magical formula. This is something that is so insanely easy to comprehend. It’s 100% free and requires no special skill or technique. The secret is time. The time you have while away from your ex is so important. Not to cry and have a bloody fit but you get YOU together. Think of your life without your ex like getting a jig-saw puzzle and throwing it into the air only to be scattered into a million little pieces. All you have to do is SEPARATE YOUR pieces from theirs. ( Start with the edges..it’s easier ha ha) You are separating a couple to being once again single. I didn’t say it was THAT easy nor did I say you would like it but it is a necessary step in getting YOU back. If you don’t get you back first, there is no way you can get them back regardless of how you left. Once you can piece YOU back together you need to get adapted to your single life.

Letting go of your ex doesn’t mean letting go forever. It hurts ladies and gentlemen. It hurts like hell but it is part of the healing process. You must go thru it to become the man or woman you need to be and always wanted to be. Think of your breakup like a butterfly in its cocoon. You must transform into the person you WANT To be..NOT WHAT YOU THINK THEY WANT YOU TO BE!! HUGE DIFFERENCE. So many people out there believe that losing weight and going to the gym is going to get an ex back. Psssst….let me fill you in on something. ITS NOT!!! Sure you look better but if you were a moron when you broke up and you have not learned from your mistakes…you will be a moron who looks better. Make sense? I hope so. [/font]
[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']Let go of the notion that they love you for your weight. It’s only a small part of the entire you. Work on your heart. If you had issues communicating with your ex, learn from it. Sit down and make a list of the thing you feel YOU need to work on. If you get your ex back in the long run, you will not only be better off, but they will notice the change in you and it will only make you look GLOWINGLY better in their eyes.

**Remember**

People change ONLY BECAUSE THEY WANT OR HAVE TO CHANGE..not because you want them to.

If you work on the issues you had while in the relationship and start to learn from your mistakes, the chances are you may get a phone call down the line and get that chance you have been hoping for. Don’t wait too long. Learn that life is to be enjoyed. Breaking up is hard but learning from a breakup can be so rewarding in the end. Just think, even if they don’t come back…look at the person you have become not only for them but for yourself.

Learn to love them even if they aren’t with you anymore. They will always be in your heart and just know that part of them made you want to become the person you have always wanted to be.

If that is not love…I don’t know what is.

Take care and God Bless…

I love you all

-SuperDave71

theLoveLogic Forum

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time…I was in love.

It seems long ago that I can vividly remember my heart breaking. The hollow in my chest was empty. I can often remember feeling worthless because I couldn’t even keep the one I loved happy enough to stay. She walked right out of my life just as easily as she walked in. I often found it easier to blame myself in order to make sense of it all. Someone once said “you never know the exact moment you fall in love, but you always know when it’s over.” I couldn’t agree more.

What lessons have I learn from having a broken heart? I do what I can to share my experiences in order to help those who might be having a tough time. First things first, you are no exception. Life is NOT picking on you. I don’t know your current situation but I can tell you unless you physically did something to upset your ex (i.e. cheating, lying) take responsibility for your own actions. The biggest part about heartache is accepting only YOUR part of the breakup. Save the drama for Netflix. Why would you want to accept all the responsibility for the entire break? Do you want to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders? Let go of the pre-determined notion that because they left you that “it must be my fault”. NEVER accept this as truth. Let’s be honest, people think for themselves. They are responsible for their own actions just as much as you are. There are no rules so to speak about what you should do when a break occurs but I can tell you ONE MAJOR RULE about breakups. The main thing to remember is simple:

“If you do nothing, nothing will go wrong.”

You may be asking yourself “But if I do nothing, they will assume I don’t love them”. WRONG! Have you ever thought your ex just fell out of love with you? Did you ever assume that as time passed that you were just NOT what they were looking for? It’s not the amount of time that matters; it’s what you do with it that does matter. If you choose to waste time on the couch and make excuses for your behavior and your ex reacted negatively then take a look at yourself. Be aware of your lover’s feelings, wants and needs. We all have them. We are no different. If it’s too late to get your ex back, think back and try to remember all the little things you could have done a bit different. Would they have made a difference? No one knows but I do know that it only takes a few minutes to save hours, days or possibly weeks of pent up resentment. Love is a two way street. Love must be returned in order to be given freely. If you choose to hold onto the past, you will stay there. Love is honest. From what I have learned, you must FIRST be honest with yourself. To not be true to you is the main mistake lover’s often make in order to find self -love. You can’t give the responsibility of loving yourself to someone else.

For example:

You may like who you are but deep down you could possibly be insecure. Someone comes along and makes you feel that life is worth living because they love you for who you are, so you think. Let’s now assume that months go by and they have seen the real you and decide you are not particularly the one they assume you were and the breakup and leave. How are you going to feel about you now? You assumed they would always love you and now all that self-love just walked right out the door.

Never give someone the responsibility of loving you if you don’t. Not only is this foolish, it will surely backfire in the long run. Most likely, it will occur sooner than later.

The more you try to force answers from your ex the worse your situation will become. Trust me on this one. When or if they are ready, they will tell you but NEVER under any circumstances force them to talk to you. You are not OWED anything but in retrospect, neither are they. People are different. I can’t tell you anything about your ex just as much as you can’t tell me about mine but be logical. Have you ever received a positive response to negative behavior? If you act crazy, they will only be justified in leaving you. What if your ex didn’t want to leave you? Maybe they left in order to get their head together. So what do you do? You decide to call 100 times a day, text and leave crazy messages on their social networking site. Put yourself in THEIR shoes, do you think you will get a positive or negative reaction?

Again, you have been warned.

I really don’t understand the need to explain this next bit of information yet I have to be fair. Those who know my writings know I can’t stand Facebook. Yes, I said it and I stick by my right to dislike it. Why you ask? Simple, certain people love drama. They choose to spend their days and nights looking for trouble as they secretly look for something to stir up. This is the ONLY reason I don’t like such sites. Are they useful? Absolutely! Everything in moderation please. If you choose to cyber-stalk your ex and they block you from seeing their profile, there is in all probability two main reasons.

1.) They have something their they do not want you to see
2.) You have acted a fool and have been caught cyber-stalking.

What does checking someone’s profile really do for you? Are you looking for answers? Can you handle what you might find? Let’s assume you DID find something you didn’t want to see or hear? Is it going to be any easier to accept than if you hear it from someone else or perhaps your ex? I doubt it. If someone breaks up with you, there is a reason or possibly multiple reasons. The last thing you should be worrying about is viewing someone’s profile in order to get information. Some people are flat out cowards. They choose to hide behind Facebook and chat rooms because they assume “you will eventually find out anyway”. If this describes your ex, in my opinion, they did you a huge favor. The way I see it is if someone wants to date someone else behind your back, they will do it to anyone. Leave Facebook to be social. Leave the stalking to someone else. If you choose NOT to listen, ask yourself this: Can you handle your ex calling you a cyber-stalker and assume you are crazy for not leaving them alone?

Think about it.

What if they are already seeing someone else? The truth typically is that they were standing in the wings waiting. I know that is a tough pill to swallow but sometimes this is the truth. Ever seen your ex while you were together go in the other room to text? Ever wonder why your ex never put their phone down? Think about it. It’s not rocket science to figure out someone’s mysterious behavior. The innocent have no secrets. Why would your ex suddenly start take calls upstairs or refuses to take calls when you are around?

The hardest thing to accept in my opinion is the truth. I want you to read that one again. Sometime people are 100% honest about their feelings. Do you have the right to change your mind? Of course you do just the same as you have the right to change your heart but so did your ex. If you choose to sit around and ask WHY….you will be winning a losing battle. How many reasons or excuses can you come up with in order to validate why your ex left? The possibilities are endless. Why continue to beat yourself up after your heart has been ripped from your chest and stepped all over? What I leaned was to ask myself “What good can come from this”. I asked myself this questions quite often when it came to making decisions about my ex.

For example:

1.) Should I call?
2.) Should I stop by?
3.) Should I buy something for her?
4.) Should I leave a voicemail?
5.) Should I text her?
6.) Should I wait for her to come home and talk to her?
7.) Should I go by her work?
8.) Should I try and talk to her best friend in order to get information?

If you ask yourself over and over “What good can come from this?” (pick one above) you will MOSTLY LIKELY avoid some of the most common mistake you could ever make while trying to get a lover back. A mistake in getting an ex back is like losing someone’s trust. Once you lose trust, it is almost impossible to get it back.

I have been criticized in the past about my views on No Contact as well as loving yourself first and that is perfectly fine in my opinion. We all see things differently. My ideas and views are my own and I only share them in order to help those that cannot help themselves. Most often I get asked, “what can I do to get my ex back?” My answer is simple…nothing. But if you do nothing they won’t come back, Right? I believe they already left and did for a reason(s). What we can’t stand mostly is the thought of being replaced. The loss of power or control over a lover can be overwhelming. If you think I am making this up try this little bit of harsh reality.

*Warning: This might be too much for someone who is having a tough time getting over an ex. If this is you please skip down to the next two paragraphs.*

Let’s assume you have not heard from your ex in over two weeks. You heart has been broken and you can barely focus at work. You thoughts and memories are consumed with your ex. You find yourself checking your text messages often and when your phone rings your heart nearly beats out of your chest. When you are home, you tend to play “our song” over and over trying to relive what was once your happiest times together. Photographs remind you that your time together was real and that you both looked so happy. Your heart tells you they belong to you and they will be back…they will be back because you love them and you know they love you.

You receive a call from a close friend that has recently seen your ex out on the town with someone she introduces as a friend. She said his name was Steve. “Steve…?” you try and think of anyone named Steve but you can’t think of anyone. The rest of the night you imagine your ex not only in the arms of another man, but in their bed. The haunting memories of what could be wake you up in a cold sweat, as you sit straight up in bed with your heart beating out of your chest. “God No baby….please don’t do this to me…..to us?”

The above was merely an example of how we tend to think the worse about certain situations. Remember something I have often said and if you need to write it down so you don’t forget:

“Go with what you know, never with what you assume”

What this means plain and simple is that if you panic and make mistakes based on something that was not a fact, then you are choosing to push your ex farther away. NEVER go with something someone said until you find out the facts.

What does all this boil down to? The more you respect yourself and take responsibility for only YOUR part of the relationship will help you in the long run. Whether it is to get back together or to move on with your life you have the necessary skills to make it happen. The world is filled with enough negativity without you feeling sorry for yourself. Though your heart may be broken, you can find the strength to get through it. Take your time and take baby steps. The world owes you nothing. If you focus all your energy on you and not on the past or your ex, you can start to see the world is a much brighter place. You are not alone. You are not an exception. You are human. You may be down right now but know that you are not the only one that has had a broken heart. With this said, no one says you have to like it either. Just because someone walked out of your life doesn’t mean they can’t walk right back in. Just remember that YOU are the one that matter most. This is not a selfish act. You are the one you are with 24/7. No one knows you like you ALREADY know you. Understand that your self-worth is YOURS and not up to someone else.

Example of self-worth:

-If I had a brand new $100 dollar bill and asked who wanted one, I bet everyone would say yes.
-If I took the $100 dollar bill and crumpled it up and asked the same question, I bet you would still want it.
-If I took the same crumpled $100 dollar bill and ran over it with my car and it became wet and soiled, would you still want it? Sure you would! The question is why?

The answer: The $100 dollar bill doesn’t lose its value no matter what condition it is in.

People are the same way. Just because you are down and out doesn’t mean you are worthless. Know that no matter what, you are valued and loved. NO ONE can take that away from you.

Your Friend,

SuperDave71

If you like my writing, why not joing our relationship forums:

TheLoveLogic Forums

Shattered

Taken from my website: http://www.thelovelogic.com/forum/forum.php

Sometimes it gets difficult to sit and write something so profound or helpful to those who have broken hearts. After all words are only words unless there is emotion attached to it. Too often we tend to see and dwell on the negative in our darkness that it’s hard to see or feel anything that would help us try and pick up the pieces that was once our heart.

Time heals all wounds but with all wounds, the scars are always there. When your heart is broken, it can grow back crooked and misshaped. Though the heart is healed, it can take on a new appearance or even learn to love less if you let it. A hardened heart can be one of the hardest things to let go of. There are times when not loving is easier because the risks of it breaking again are too great. Why try if it is only going to be broken again?

Let me ask you this…

Why try anything if the fear of failing is greater than the want to succeed? Sometimes hearts grow together and sometimes they just don’t fit. No matter how much we want them to, the glue never holds. No matter how much you give, you can’t make something love you back. What you must decide is if your partner is worth the fall? How do you know? The answer is, you don’t know. That’s the rub.

Love just doesn’t happen. You made a choice as well as your partner. Many do not realize that despite your greatest efforts, you can’t make someone love you back. You may have shared months or even years together but if the love isn’t there, what do you have? Companionship? You may try and fool yourself in believing that it’s better than being alone. If you have ever truly been in love, you know the difference. It cannot be mistaken because you get what you give back freely and openly. Love doesn’t have a time limit or an expiration date. Love is the greatest feeling in the universe. Without it, where would we be?

If you had to describe what love felt like to someone that has never been in love, how would you describe it? Sometimes you may hear he common descriptions such as butterflies in your stomach or feeling like nothing is wrong in the universe as you smile constantly and put that extra pep in your step. Love songs begin to take on new meaning and you can’t wait to see your partner, even for a moment. Holding hands with the one you love feels like a magnet. You naturally come together. You hand feels like its home and belongs in the other. Words don’t have to be spoken because the energy of just being with the one you love is enough. How many times have you seen an elderly couple holding hands and just “being”. They do it because of the love they share for one another. Love never ends.

If your heart has been broken, the bitterness can set and stay like wet concrete. If you let it harden, it will be difficult to remove. When love is lost, it’s not the pain that stays with you that hurts so much; it’s your heart wanting the love it had once back that is no longer there. The love IS there but not the form that you’re used to. Love, like a drug, can be addicting and when it is suddenly and unexpectedly taken away it hurts and the symptoms can be difficult to deal with. You can’t go to the doctor and say your heart is broken. There is no cure for a broken heart but time. How much time? ; As long as you need really. You are the one who will know when your heart is feeling better.

Walls can quickly be setup in order to protect an already fragile heart. You try and fool yourself into believing you can protect it. All it takes to tear down the walls is the right time, place and person. In all its greatness, your heart is exposed. Take the lessons learned from before and apply them in order to love with your head and heart.

Love can grow from a simple hello. A tiny spark can ignite into a raging fire if you don’t control it but such as the same with love. You can’t put limits on love and it isn’t controlled with an on and off switch. Someone may say that they don’t love you but what this primarily means is that they don’t love you the way you should be loved. The pain is still the same regardless but take some comfort in know that love hasn’t ended, it has merely changed form. Remember that a hardened or bitter heart doesn’t love as freely as one that is open. If you give or have given love with limits, you will get back exactly what you have given. Why should someone have to prove their love for you if you only give a small percentage?

Being in love is a risk BUT a risk worth taken even if short lived. The way I see it is that the experience alone is worth it despite the possible heartache. Why? Let me put it to you this way. I want you to remember what it felt like when you were in love. Can you remember the first time they kissed you? Can you remember the way you felt when they said they loved you and you loved them back? Can you remember how you felt when you were introduced as their boy/girlfriend? Can you remember the moments between seeing one another and how anxious you were to see them? Do you remember the hours on the phone together even though you spoke of nothing really important? Do you remember what it was like to fall asleep in one another’s arms?

Now take all of those feelings and throw them away. Take all the memories of someone you loved and try and throw them away like it never happened. The truth is, you can’t. Regardless of the downfall of your past relationships, the memories and experiences stick like glue. You may dare to venture in your dark closet of relationships young and old to gain knowledge or experience but learn to look in, find what you need and close the door. Don’t dwell in your past but learn from it. Though your heart may be broken, let time and life’s lessons be your band-aid. Don’t let your heart grow back crooked.

Your Friend,

SuperDave71

If It Was Meant To Be

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After days of not speaking to one another the silence is broken as the phone begins to ring. With each ring your heart starts to beat faster. You can feel the nerves in your stomach begin to tighten as the mind begins to slowly panic. “It’s her”, you silently tell yourself. After taking a deep breath, you slowly and cautiously answer the phone. “Hello….hey….I don’t want to fight anymore. I love you and –“ you begin but are cut off with the words you hoped and even prayed you would never hear. “So you are giving up on us? After three years you just want to give up? What about us? What about all the plans we made? ….I can change!! I know I can. If you would just listen a second….” The phone falls silent. All the memories of three years begin to flood your heart as the tears slowly begin to flood your eyes.

Regardless of how your breakup occurred it hurt. Sometimes there are those that let foolish pride stand in the way of love. The need to be right conflicts with logical reasoning which in turn makes things even worse. You are seen as selfish as well as unloving. Breakups are never easy. No matter how much time has transpired, the heart as well as ego hurt in unison. The feelings of not being attractive, wanted, needed or the idea that someone else has come along can weigh heavy in your heart. You start to over-analyze every word, every action, every time your ex came over late or was too tired to come over. You begin to think so much that you lose sleep. When you do end up in bed, your mind just won’t shut off. Your mind begins to think of all the good times together. You go over in detail how you met, the first time you kissed, the first time you made love, the trips; the holidays together…..the thoughts just won’t turn off.

Then you mind and heart dig deeper….

You begin to envision the last time they said they loved you. The thoughts of the late night promises and plans you made together begin to tear at you and your heart aches because of it. You try to convince yourself that they will be back. You assume they hurt just as much as you do. You hope they do. If you found out otherwise you would possibly feel worse than you already do right now. The nights seem to stretch for days. The mind is a funny thing, yet it can cause your body to react to things it assumes is the truth if you convince yourself otherwise. Time seems to stand still.

Getting up in the morning is nearly impossible but not because of lack of sleep but because your body is yelling “what’s the point”. If you do manage to get out of bed you typically find your morning thoughts to be of your ex. The thoughts begin to come slowly at first then they hit you all at once like a fist to the gut. Where do they come from? How do you make them stop? What are they doing? What are they thinking? Do they miss me? Are the coming back? What did this happen? Do they still love me? Do they see a chance down the road for us to get back together? Are they ok? Should I call to make sure they are alright? There are millions of questions you don’t have answers to and the assumptions start to kick in after days of silence. When one starts to assume, you make terrible, regrettable mistakes. When the simple trust could be that they just fell out of love with you yet you assume it was because of something you did or didn’t do, you begin to panic. You start to believe if they left you because you did or said something or maybe had a small argument that you could possibly apologize and have them back in your arms in no time. A sense of peace may calm your nerves for a short while yet it is short lived when the harsh reality of being alone sinks in.

The idea of your ex knocking on your door and throwing themselves at you in a moment of uncontrolled love is idealistic but not viable. It may work in the movies but not in reality. The more you assume you ex will do something such as call, write, text, email or come over; the more you will be setting yourself up for disappointment in the end. Sure they might call, but when? Is there a time limit? Is there a common knowledge or proper protocol that ex’s MUST follow in order to appease their ex lover? I think not. The more you expect something if ANYTHING from you ex, the more you will be waiting for something that may never come to be. Just because you wait doesn’t mean it will come to you. For example, you might want be a CEO of a Fortune 400 company but if you do NOTHING to achieve your goal, what is the probability of it becoming a reality? We cannot predict what others will do, say or feel. The more we assume, the more we do not know the truth. The more we do not know the truth the more we panic. The more we panic the more mistakes we make when it comes to ended relationships.

The thought that someone else could come along and reap the benefits of our hard work can be devastating. All of our time, love and future plans together destroyed in seconds can get the best of us if we let it. How can they be doing this to us? The truth be told is that they didn’t do anything to you, they did it to themselves. Even if your partner cheated on you, they did it to themselves and you are collateral damage. The more you give your ex power, the more you will not be living your life. If you wait for your ex to “do” something such as contact you or ask you out, you will be in a holding pattern. You will jump when the phone rings or possibly stay home in case they drop by or get online to chat. Why would you want to put your life on hold for someone that just walked out on you? If someone left you why on earth would you wait and see what happens? It’s because we hold on to what once was and the way they WERE when they were with us. We hold on to the love that ONCE was. We hope and pray that they somehow change their minds and run into our arms once again. Sure this happens in the movies and on rare occasions it does happen in reality but not without time and more importantly change.

How do we change? Why should we change? Do people really change in order to be loved by another? I guess it really depends on the logic behind the word change. If you assume that someone will love you just because you do this or look a certain way or believe this or that, how is this any part of love? To give up your own self-respect in order to be loved by another with conditions, is absurd. Love is patient, love is kind I say. I often use the phrase “See me , love me or F- off” All I mean by this harsh use of the English language is that I don’t have time to settle for those that refuse to give me the love and respect I deserve. I have found that in my 38 years that there are those that enjoy the power that you give them in order to manipulate. When someone knows for a fact that you will “always be there” how can they miss you? How can someone miss what is always there? The mystery is gone. It would be like running downstairs Christmas morning to find EVERY PRESENT unwrapped. Sure they are gifts but the excitement is the guessing or mystery of what it is. Relationships are NOT GAMES. There are so many that believe “If I DO this…they they will DO this.” If you “change” who you are and show them you have changed, you might expect them to love you because you DID what they asked you to do. I disagree with this 100%. I believe in compromise. Now in all honesty, years ago I was a marionette in my ex’s hand. She could say or do anything and I would not want to upset her. How foolish of me looking back but I learn from it in a HARSH way.

People love you because of the way they feel when they are with you. If you present yourself in the beginning of the relationship of something you aren’t then they are going to expect the person you’re not all the time. When we begin to date, we are on our best behavior. We tend to over-do it a little. The phone calls, the up until 2am conversations, the walks, the hand holding and the “Whatever you want is fine” line. As time passes and the chase is over, the need to impress is not longer a factor at least maybe in your eyes. Since I am writing this from a male point of view you can understand that men get lazy. I am not afraid to say it because I have been guilty of this myself in years past. When this happens, the masks as I call them come off. You show your true self. You present yourself as YOU rather than the person you wanted them to think you were. This is NOT always the case. There are times when people are who they are. How do you know the difference? Actions speak louder than words.

There are some out there in the world today that believe their ex owes them something after a break. I am not referring to money (this time). They have this false idea that just because they spent their time, love, affection and respect for someone that they magically assume that they are owed. What exactly they think they deserve is beyond me. For those foolish enough to think an ex owes you anything (unless we are talking money) you are only fooling yourself. If you worked in a company for 10 years and you were fired because you lacked on your performance for the past 2 years, does the company ask you what they owe you? Do they ask you what it is you need in because of tenure? I think not. Why would someone owe you? If you have this sense of entitlement, you’re not being loving you are looking for someone to respect you that has just rejected you. I suggest you get off your power trip because the person you want to respect you just walked out on you. That is a harsh reality to face but you can’t get blood from a turnip either.

After a break, you tend to badger your friends over and over. We have all been there. We ask our friends rhetorical questions and expect answers. We tend to say the same thing over and over yet we are mostly presented with this answer: “If it was mean to be..” What kind of answer is that? That isn’t an answer; it’s an open ended comment. Of course if it was meant to be it will be! It’s not that it doesn’t fit in this particular situation, it’s that it is over used and cliché’. When someone leaves you, there is a reason or reasons they did. You cannot fix THEIR problems or why they walked out on you. If you have the notion that you should “be there for them” you are only waiting to wait. Heaven forbid if you turn it around and look at it from a natural point of view and ask “Would they be there for me?” If you hesitate for two seconds, the answer is maybe. Who wants a maybe? I want a yes. I am the type of guy that loves a guarantee. YOU CANNOT CHANGE SOMEONE JUST BECAUSE YOU LOVE THEM. They have to do this themselves. If you expect them to do it for you, you AGAIN are fooling yourself. In order for someone to change, they have to WANT to change without the pressure of “Change or I will abandon you.” Natural occurring change happens over time, not day; not weeks. People do not change despite what they tell you. They change naturally because they see what it is they need to improve about themselves, NOT because you told them to. If you allow someone back in your life that says they have changed, looks like they have changed but hasn’t…you will be right back where you started soon enough. Don’t give people credit until they earn it.

The more you use the word ‘they’, ‘she’ or ‘he’ the more you are pushing your thoughts and actions towards what it is your EX needs, wants and desires. In reality, you are putting your needs aside in hopes of winning someone back. When did you start considering your ex a prize? When did you STOP considering yourself a prize? If you feel gifts or rings are a way of winning someone back, again you are only fooling yourself. In panic mode, we believe we have to DO something in order to stop them from NOT loving us. For some odd reason we believe their love is like an hourglass full of sand that keeps slowly dwindling over time. If we don’t stop it, their love for us will be over never to be seen again. Let me be honest with you…WRONG! WRONG!! This is your heart thinking. It is not intended to think. It’s to live and love. Your brain is meant to reason and think. USE IT! True love never dies but it can change rolls. You cannot stop the process of love changing rolls but you CAN CHANGE MAKING FOOLISH MISTAKES. Take time to let go of the panic. If it sets in again, do NOTHING. If you do nothing, nothing can go wrong. There is nothing worse than hearing from an ex about how much of a jerk you are when you are at home wishing desperately that they would come back. If you make mistakes, it’s fine but remember, the MORE mistakes you make, the worse you will feel. Also remember more mistakes means pushing your ex further and further away. Why justify your ex for breaking up with you? Don’t do it. You have been warned.

Despite our greatest effort, despite our love for our past, despite our want to reconcile, we have to realize that it’s not just up to us. It takes two WILL partners to make it work. Use your head and think about what it is you truly want and need. You are not foolish. You are someone that deserves to be loved despite ONE PERSON not loving the way you planned. Take that nonsense away and learn that you need to learn to respect yourself before you expect it from others. If you don’t love and respect yourself, how can you expect others to? If they walk away, they take the respect and love with them leaving you empty and wanting it back. Try to cope with feelings you may be experiencing right now. I know it’s difficult. I have been there. I know exactly what it is you might be going through but it does get better if you WANT it to. You have to decide to wait around for something they may never happen or take the chance. No one is to blame but you if you wait and nothing comes of it. I chose to move forward. I use the attitude of “If you want me bad enough you will follow me.” I have never looked back and nor will I. I choose to live my life the way I see fit. I make my own decisions. I make my own choices and know that in the long run I never settled for anything less. I hope you can find the courage and strength within yourself to take my words and push yourself forward. There is greatness inside you that cannot be stopped. Just because someone walked out of your life doesn’t mean someone greater won’t walk in. Let go of the anger, the sadness and hurt. Give it to God or your higher power. Learn that all things happen for a reason.

If it was meant to be….the MAKE IT BE BECAUSE YOU MADE YOU BE.

Your Friend,

SuperDave71

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Relationship Advice – I’ll Get Over You

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It’s been over 8 months since your partner walked out of your life. The images of yesterday and the good times play in your head like a romantic comedy that didn’t have a happy ending…at least not yet. Food has lost its flavor. You can’t seem to focus on daily tasks because you can’t seem to turn off the thoughts of “why” and “are they coming back”. You have picked up the phone over a thousand times; you just need to hear their voice once more and to make sure they are ok. The thought of calling is scary enough but the thought of someone else answering convinces you to put the phone down every time. “Maybe they are waiting for me to call? If I don’t call, maybe they will think I don’t care? What if all I had to do was say I am sorry and that I will change.

They know I love them more than anything so maybe I should just…”

Does this scene strike a chord inside? How many times have we tried to convince ourselves that we need to “do” something in order to save a dead relationship? Though the breakup was tough, you both walked away and have refused to communicate despite the urges. The “what if’s” have been robbing you of sleep and day to day life so many time lately you can’t stand it any longer. The need for 100% closure is killing you softly inside because despite common sense telling you it’s over, you have to hear and see it for yourself.

Despite words, actions tell us most of what we need to know. If someone used to call you morning, afternoon and evening then suddenly stops without explanation, something is indeed wrong. Why did they suddenly stop? Why now? What did I do? What did I not do? Human nature forces us to look at ourselves first and ask the questions we are so familiar with over and over again. Sadly, we might end up trying to fix something that isn’t broken and end up pushing others further away in the process. Desperation can be a beast all its own. When we feel someone is pulling away, something inside tells us to “fix it”. How do we do this? We ‘over do’ what we might have always done while in the relationship or even worse, we end up doing things we never did before in order to make someone stay. Most of the time, we end up looking exactly like we NEVER intended; desperate, needy, clingy and weak.

How to you make someone stay in love? Is there a magic formula for keeping someone in love with you? What if you have given all of you to someone and they STILL lost interest? Do you try harder? Do you try to present yourself in a new light in order to look not only better in their eyes but their heart? I believe that love is an equal, two way street. If one starts to lose interest, you can’t patch it. It is 100% up to the individual. Situations vary of course but if you were both loving and giving yet the spark is beginning to fade, what can be done to salvage the already dying relationship? A fire will die without oxygen. How do we supply the needed “fix” in order to reassure someone to stay? The truth is nothing. I am basing this on a loving relationship between two partners and not a one-sided relationship that ended up being someone giving and someone taking the majority of the time.

Sometimes those that have taken advantage of a partner are more lost than those that haven’t because the needed supply of attention is gone. If you cut off the food supply, you starve the beast. It’s the same when it comes to selfish love. A one-sided or selfish relationship will perish when the one starved for love FINALLY realizes that the love is not here, nor has it been returned and are convinced to move on. This leaves the selfish partner acting desperate for attention and tries to convince the other to stay so they can “change”. It rarely happens and typically ends up being a “a little too late.” Crying wolf will never get you what you want because you should have been honest with who you were up front instead of dressing up in sheep’s clothing and being someone you could never be.

Why do we hang on after the love is gone? Why do we want to be dragged for miles though our past and end up hurting ourselves more than our partners ever did? The answer is that we are choosing to believe the one that just got away was “perfect” or in all fairness, perfect in your eyes. We will begin to see your partner as a vision of what we have always wanted instead of what they actually were. How many times after a breakup did you end up fanaticizing about your ex in ways you have never thought of while IN the relationship? Our heart puts the ex on a pedestal and in return, we end up hurting ourselves more because we know that “perfect love” is gone.

The more we give our ex partners the power of us (meaning we put them before ourselves) the more we will stay exactly where we are or end up hurting deeper than we had previously. To put someone before ourselves is not only dramatic but it starts to convince you that you don’t matter as much as someone else. Do you not matter in order to be loved by someone else?

There are so many that refuse to move on because they feel guilty for not caring about the ex. Months could pass yet the wounds are left wide open. With any wound left untreated, it starts to fester and cause more problems than the original cause. Why continue to throw salt on your OWN wound? You can love your ex from a distance but you need to understand that you control you. No one ever said you couldn’t love someone. You need to learn to put your needs first and love yourself. You do matter. You have always mattered and you don’t need someone to convince you otherwise. It’s not easy to get through a breakup. It takes time. How much time is different for everyone but if you want to feel better, you will.

To assume someone will come back into your life as you sit around and wait, would only postpone your heart from healing. I have often said “why wait for a train at the airport?”. The best advice I could give is to mourn your lost, don’t over analyze your situation, try and prevent your ex from being put on your pedestal and learn from the past in order to move forward. To constantly bombard friends and family about the same issue over and over again is only demonstrating your need to be TOLD that something may change. You want to hear someone say they are coming back in order to ease the pain in your heart. The truth is that no one knows. Time is your ally if you use it wisely. The more you waste time thinking about the past, the more you will STAY in the past. You will constantly make yourself feel worse because you can’t feel the love they once had for you in the present. You can’t feel their arms around you. You feel their soft lips on yours. You can’t feel them beside you when you sleep. You can’t see them look at you and smile from across the room. Why? Because they are NOT THERE. There is no way someone can turn off the feelings and thoughts of yesterday, but you can try to push them out of your head for now until you can come to grips with the break. The more you do not accept that the break is final, the more you will be in emotion limbo. It could take weeks or even months to accept but he sooner you try to move forward, the better off you will be.

No one can tell you HOW to get over someone because everyone is different. You will know when you are ready to move forward. Listen to your head and let it do the thinking for you. Don’t allow your heart to make logical decisions. It will serve no purpose. Learn by doing nothing, when those panicky feelings emerge, means that nothing can go wrong. Why do something and push someone further away than do nothing KNOWING you can do no wrong?

Letting go is not giving up. Letting go means that you are going to free your mind and heart from the burden of whatever is causing the worry. Why stress over something when you are in FULL control of you? I choose to live for today rather than looking at my life and thinking “the best is over”. The more you start to believe in you and your ability to feel better, the faster you will start. Think positive. Try and visualize yourself feeling better and smiling. The more you think positive, the more you will BE positive. It takes practice at first but soon it will become a habit. The more you practice a good habit that is positive, the better off you will become. Negativity attracts more negativity. Why would you want to purposely bring more pain and hurt your way? Let it go! You can do it. Don’t let temporary circumstances get you down when you have the rest of your life to feel better.

To quote the Shawshank Redemption
“Get busy living or get busy dying….damn right.”

Believe in yourself and your ability to feel better. No one can do this for you and you have the power within yourself to do anything you choose. Take responsibility for your own actions and let the universe deal with everything else.

Take care of yourself,

SuperDave71

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Tell It To My Heart

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“Come on…why won’t they answer?” you begin to ask yourself. The 2nd ring turns into the 5th and now the 8th when you are faced with the sounds of your ex instructing you to “leave a message; I’ll get back to you”. The sound of their voice comforts you…if only for a short while. You snap your phone shut before hearing the beep. “Why won’t they talk to me? All I want to do is say I am sorry and that we can work this out? Why are they making this so difficult?” Your heart beings to ache and your mind begin to wander as it concocts images of someone taking your place in your lover’s arms and your stomach begins to rumble with distaste. The crowded streets seem empty though the hustle and bustle of everyday life surrounds you yet, your thoughts are somewhere else far, far away from the present.

Have you ever been in the situation where you are doing you best to deal with current break the best you can yet the emotions start to swell in your heart and the urge to cry is so much that you just can’t stop? You often find yourself thinking a “break” is merely temporary. You often try to convince yourself that your lover is at home right now grieving over the loss of you. Our hearts and thought can play many cruel images if we let them. Though time passes slowly, nothing can take the thoughts of your ex, your pasts together or a possible solution to your current heartache. You may be going through the actions of daily life; yet your thoughts are somewhere else. Have you ever thought that the word break meant to be broken or to break down? What about heartbreak?

Years ago, I can remember thinking these thoughts. I was no different than you might be right now because my heart was still in the relationship and I assumed my partner’s was too. I figured if my heart was breaking so was theirs. If my heart was filled with love for them, their heart in turn must be filled with the same love for me. Sadly, I was only fooling myself. My heart was trying to convince my head that if I felt this way and my ex told me that she loved me many times before that she must STILL love me . I cannot tell you the harsh reality I had to face when all of my assumptions never came to pass. The feeling of rejection can chill you to the bone as well as sweep your pride right under a rug. You often find yourself trying to win someone back merely because you have to prove it to yourself that you can. There may be love in your heart but your pride is at stake. How dare they reject me based off of nothing! How can someone stop loving me when our relationship was perfect? You have to ask yourself the same question I had to ask myself and that is “who thought the relationship was perfect, you or your ex?” If you’re the one feeling rejected, then your ex did not share the same thoughts or feelings your heart did.

One of the hardest lessons I had to learn growing up is that the world owes me nothing. To put it another way, just because I wanted something to happen and even tried with all my heart to make it happen doesn’t mean it WILL happen. We have to accept the good with the bad; the successes with the failures. Another big lesson was that failure to get what you want doesn’t mean to quit, it means KNOWING when to quit. There is a huge difference between the two. Knowing when to quit doesn’t mean you accepted the outcome, it means you accepted it as not being within your control. No matter how long you were with your ex, you do not control their heart; they do. You may want them back with all that you are but wanting and hoping doesn’t solve your current situation. The heart tries to fight the mind in the beginning. The thoughts that go through your head are endless about your partner. I have been there. I wanted to make each and every thought just disappear but they continued to plague me even when I tried to sleep. Accept the things you cannot change on your own and accept the life lesson each failure brings. How you learn without making mistakes? Experience is the key when it comes to matter of the heart. Problems arise when you try to apply logic to matters of the heart. The way the heart “thinks” is not the same as the brain.

As an example of the above statement, the brain assumes sometimes that if you feel the way you do, that the other party involved possibly feels the same as you do based on the time together and the level of loved shared by both either past or present. This is NOT a true statement. There is no logic when it comes to matters of the heart. Why is it we can be fine one moment and suddenly burst into tears while driving when a thought of your ex pops into your head? There is no rhyme or reason for such reactions but we can learn from all experience if we allow ourselves.

Blaming never solves a problem and neither does arguing. To argue means to defend your pride as well as your need to be right or validated. When has arguing about a break solved anything? If you ex is seeing someone new, it can take the wind right out of your sails yet making threats or foolish phone calls will only make you more foolish in their eyes. What business is it of yours what they do the same as what business it is of theirs what YOU do? An ex relationship, no matter what the cause, doesn’t owe you an explanation. Yes, I realize that is also a tough one to understand but it’s the truth. It’s our hearts that need an explanation. Sometimes when we assume everything is perfect ON BOTH SIDES of the relationship, we end up hurting ourselves more than our partner because we assumed that just because you felt a certain way that they must feel exactly the same, if not similar. Love in its truest form is always returned equally and without asking. If you find yourself asking your partner to love you or DO they love you the chances are you are pushing something that they just don’t feel at the present moment. To push someone is to push them away in my opinion. You can’t make someone love you if they don’t or even worse…you can’t make someone love you AGAIN if they choose not to.

No matter what thoughts go through your head, words solve nothing. You cannot solve weeks, months or possibly years of relationship issues with words. Actions speak louder than any words ever could. If you don’t believe me, ask your friends what words solved when they went through a breakup. I can tell you that the common reactions of begging, pleading, texting and being desperate in any form only pushes your partner further and further away. Who wants to be with someone who is weak and needy? Put yourself in their shoes a while. If you heart just isn’t in the relationship anymore and your ex hounds you over and over again in hopes of convincing you to love them again or give them a second change because you say you will change, how would they look in their eyes? Would you want to see your ex begging you to come back because they miss you or would you rather not see them at all because the breakup was difficult enough regardless? Every situation is different. No one can tell you what will happen in your current situation but, based off of experience with negative behavior chances are you will get a NEGATIVE reaction. Promises made during a break are rarely the glue that holds love together. Love holds love together but it has to be from BOTH parties involved. Why on earth would you want to convince someone with words why they should stay? I cannot tell you how foolish I looked years ago when I was the one that did the begging. I figured it was a way to lovingly convince my ex’s that I loved them. What I didn’t know is that it had the opposite effect. Desperation in ANY form is unattractive.

When rejected, we all have the urge to work out and get our physical appearance in check. I find nothing wrong with this yet if your partner loved you for you, what difference is bulking up or slimming down going to really make in their hearts? The truth is you are working on your side because you can’t face the fact that it is your inside that needs the most work. Please don’t take that last statement the wrong way but the physical appearance is the easy part. Having to look within is the hardest part. The reason is we can look in the mirror and SEE with our own eyes what we need to work on. Looking inside requires much more effort and reflection. To put it another way, it forces us to see what and who we really are not only in our eyes but the eyes of those around us. If you want to put the physical appearance against what is on the inside a different way try this. You can work out and diet all you want. Weeks later you look fabulous but if your partner left you because you were arrogant or egotistical, what does the physical bring with it in your hopes of getting your ex back? Sometimes you just want to feel better. I can completely agree with this but if you are trying to look better in your ex partner’s eyes then you need to look at the real reason(s) they left you in the first place.

Facing the truth can really be humbling. To know that you loved someone so much yet possibly took them for granted means you brought the conclusion on yourself. This is not always the case but there are those that assume when someone loves you that THEY WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. I find this to be a VERY foolish statement because everything that is living needs nurturing. If you neglected a plant of food and water for very long would you expect it to live and grow? Why would you stop nurturing those you love? What is the difference? I want you to listen carefully.

If you learn anything from this thread it’s this:

The moment you assume your partner will never leave you is the exact moment they started to think about leaving you.

This is a very harsh statement to understand but its purpose is simple. Never assume someone will stay with you forever just because they say they love you. If you don’t believe me…tell it to your hear why they just walked out the door and possibly out of your life forever.

Think about it…

-SuperDave71