Hello my friends at theLoveLogic,
I see the same posts over and over. People so distraught over their situation that they believe their situation is different from the thousands posted in the “Getting Back together” forum alone. I named this post after a famous song by the Def Leppard.
It has come to my attention that many people want alternative to NC because they feel hopeless without it. Most of us feel this way because we are to concerned with getting someone back rather than fixing the issues within ourselves. Its nothing more than your comfort zone.
Several of us, you know who you are, feel that midnight promises gone by dawn will make the difference in convincing someone back to you. It won’t work. Have you ever heard of the story about the boy who cried wolf? It’s about a young shepherd-boy who claims there is a wolf prowling around his flock of sheep 3 times when in all reality there wasn’t. In the process, a nearby hunter would come running to his rescue only to find the child laughing. The last time the boy cried wolf, there WAS a wolf and the hunter feared it was again a prank and didn’t come. The flock was eatten.
The moral of the story was “There is no believing a liar, even when he speaks the truth.”
When you plead, beg, text message, “happen to run into them while out”..no matter what you call it…it is self defeating. You are telling yourself that to be happy, you MUST be with this person. I hear “But we were so happy in the beginning”…noooooo kidding? Wow!!…I figured that otherwise you wouldn’t be here like the rest of us. I know what it is like to have that pain in your chest, I know what it is like to feel hopeless, I know what it is like to sit in bed and cry because you feel as if your life partner is gone and possibly with someone else. I know what it is like to think of them constantly and have it interfere with my work. I have been there and done that.
I get emails and private messages all the time wanting me to answer questions that people already have the answers to. They know what to do but they just won’t do it. Why would it make any difference if I told them what they already know? It doesn’t. When a relationship goes bad, the thing you do not want to do is make it worse.
Do you realize that EXCUSES for contact are the number one reason that people PUSH OTHERS away. If you dated someone for 2 months to 10 years ( or more ) they will NOT FORGET ABOUT YOU ….relax. Take a deep breath.
****WARNING****
Do you want them to remember you in a crazy way? Keep trying to contact them over and over and over. If you broke up and you are deperate enough to say “But I love you” or “I have/will Change”, “Things will be different” and the WORST is “I PROMISE”.
If you love someone…..do you feel you are going to win them over when you didn’t show them everyday how special they were but now, since they left, you ahve changed? I don’t think so and neither do they.
To the ladies out there..a man that wants you back will SAY ANYTHING to try and convince you because men do not know any better because their ego and comfort zone has been breeched. For the men, most women SHOW you that it is over…they don’t call, they don’t text, they don’t do anything to SHOW YOU and you end up crushed. Men want the very words they tell women..They EXPECT a woman to TELL them “I miss you” ..”I love you”….”I want you back”…Are you seeing my point? WE DO THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT EACH OTHER WANTS…THIS IS WHY WE PUSH PEOPLE AWAY. If men would SHOW women..and women would tell men what they want…..MAYBE ..just maybe we could get somewhere.
Honesty is always the best policy. If someone has lied to you, what make you think the won’t do it again? I believe in second chances..but I have to be convinced. ( SHOW ME..don’t tell me ). The art of self control is a very liberating feeling. To me, I would assume it would be like a drug addict trying to quit cold turkey. They have feelings and cravings they reall DON’T NEED but they are desperate because of the FEELINGS they had when on the drug. I hope this is sinking in. Its called ADDICTION. When you realize, no matter how long it takes, that YOU are in charge of you and no one can take THAT away from you ….you start to be more confident.
What is confidence? A feeling of assurance, especially of self-assurance. What are MOST people attracted to…..CONFIDENCE among other things of course. When we look like a scolded puppy, and show desperation to someone and try to convince them AFTER the fact, tht you care about them….its an insult. You didn’t call them 5 days before the breakup because you were busy yet you call them every hour on the hour now? How do you think this makes you look? I will tell you….AN IDIOT.
Plain and simple. You didn’t show up when they asked you to be somewhere because you “had better things to do” and they treat you coldly or leave you…..YOU DID IT TO YOURSELF.. It’s not their fault. Whey would you try to convince someone you love them WHEN IT DIDN:T MATTER TO YOU THEN? Again….you look like an idiot and the more calling, pleading and begging you do…. the worst category of all is A CRAZY IDIOT.
There are exceptions to everything. I want those out there with broken hearts that you CAN be happy again and you CAN get on with your life. Listen to what I said…”YOU CAN GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE” Your life is your’s. Don’t ever….ever let anyone bring you down becaus eyou were somebody BEFORE you met your ex.
You were happy, confident and fun. you can be again with the right attitude and common sense. Relax….take a deep breath and make tomorrow different from today. Be blessed for this forum where you can come an share you thoughts, your fears and have those like myself that truely care about you. Sure we are posts yet we are real people behind them. I have been wher you are and my goal is to try and help as many people as I possibly can…why…because God know’s I wanted help too.
The person that finally made the difference…..was me.
Take care..and God bless
Your Friend,
SuperDave71
thelovelogic