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I have reading posts left and right trying to give as much positive advice I can to try to help those that right now are having a tough time with break-ups. I know the feelings inside are devistating as well as not being able to turn off the images in your head and of course that feeling of your heart hurting as it pounds out of your chest.
Depression can rob you of sleep, appetite, thinking clearly, making mistakes, and you could possibly start to feel as if you are worthless. Nothing could be further from the truth. First of all…ya have me. I am here and of course you have an army of people all over the world who are on your side and are willing to help you anyway we can whether it be advice, posting comments, or just a simple hello can sometimes make a big difference in someone’s life.
I am a very firm believer of NC. When I say NC…I mean COMPLETE NC. NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER.
Here’s why:
If you have been dumped it is typically about the following:
1. Arguing to much
2. Maturity level (to young for a serious relationship)
3. Someone else came along
4. “Need Space”
5. An ex came BACK in the picture
6. Money
7. Someone cheated on you or vice versa
8. You were not what they hoped for in the first place.
9. Pregnancy
I am sure there are several more but I wanted a quick list.
When an ex breaks up with you, what are they initially saying? They are saying I do not want to date you anymore. They are telling you THEIR rules. They are telling you sometimes “We can still be friends”. I agree with this last statement BUT only after a certain amount of time has been given. How much time? You can determine this time by asking yourself this question. “Could I handle seeing my ex with someone new?” If not….wait..if so, you’re going to be fine.
My idea of NC is give the ex EXACTLY what they asked for. They want to breakup…no problem. You’re not playing a game. You are not worth dating anymore but we can still hang out? What is THAT about!
You need to stand up for yourself (even though it hurts so much) an realize you are somone that deserves respect and if you don’t want to love me or even if you say love me…its by YOUR rules not mine. That is a selfish love. Saying you love someone and showing no love is cruel. It sets expectation on those who NOW expect to BE loved.
Give them what they asked for NOT what they want. You may not like the idea of NC. I understand that feeling. I know the feelin in your stomach that makes you want call them or just hear their voice. I have been there. I am an advocate AGAINST the common mistakes because I have done them all.
Everyone situation is different. There is no magic formula for success but you can increase your odds with an ex ONLY after you get yourself together. Calling an ex begging to take you back is NOT SEXY…it is not the impression you want to give either. What IS attractive is self confidence. Pick your chin off the floor and stop moping around waiting for the phone to ring. Ever watched a pot of water boil…it never does unless you walk away. (Figure of speak- a watched pot never boils) This applies EXACTLY the same. When you learn to LET GO of the expectation of getting your ex back it is USUALLY the same time they walk back in your life.
If you hold a wet bar of soap too tightly, what happens? It slips out of your hand.
Think about the above analogy very carefully. If you hold on to your ex too tightly…
I am not however saying to forget your ex. I am saying to shift the gears in reverse and concentrate on YOU. YOU are the one that matters right now. The ball is in your court. Work out…take up a class, read a book, learn to cook..etc etc. Stop wasting valuable time sulking about something you have NO CONTROL over. You do have control over YOU.
If you obsess about your ex, what good comes from it? What does it do to make you feel better about yourself? Absolutely NOTHING. Let me make this perfectly clear, you may feel worthless or depressed but you need to get off your hiney and go to the mirror and look at youself and say “I deserve better, I am someone, You may not love me but I love myself and THAT is what matters.”
It’s ok to feel heartbroken and down. Those are typical feelings and are very natural and needed for the healing process to start. What is NOT natural is process this to go on for months, even years.
The question that I get the most is “How do I get my ex back”…as well as “How can NC get my lover back?”..
The answer is…
THERE IS NO ANSWER….. Several factors have to come into play for this to work. Love is a 1 in 4 chance. for example:
1. If I love you and you don’t love me – Won’t work
2. You love me and I don’t love you – Won’t work
3. We both do not love one another – Won’t work
4. We both love one another – Could work
Notice I did not say WILL work. It is possible to get an ex back. Absolutely. But sometimes there is resentment of hard feeling especially if they were with another while you were apart. It will take alot of mutual understanding and communication between both parties.
I got my ex back when I realized I didn’t need her. I finally realized that I could be happy with or wthout her and I SHOWED IT THROUGH NC.
The key is not TELLING SOMEONE “I think we should do NO CONTACT”…. JUST DO IT. CUT THEM OFF out of the blue. Wait until you are ready.
By doing this, you are DEMONSTRATING instead of TALKING.
Talk is cheap..we all know this. “I will change”…”It will be different”…. Talking right after a breakup is really NOT a good idea because someone is hurting (if not both parties) and things can be said that could hurt your future chances of opening the door again.
By following NC and working on yourself….simple enough “YOU HEAL” and become stronger. Learn from your mistakes…
Life is waaaaay to short to be upset or depressed. Now get up and BE SOMEBODY…BE SOMEBODY for the rest of your life.
You can get through this…I did and I am here if you need me.
-Your friend,
SuperDave71
Thank you for this
you are awesome! i completely agree NC does work .. it may be hard in the beginning but you gotta have faith in yourself!
What if I told him that I dont wanna talk to him for awhile because I need time for myself and I can’t take it that he sees ( saw ) someone else.
oh he broke up with me but after I’ve distant myself..he came around and told me he’s in love with me but still not sure if he’s ready for the relationship.
I have had the same experience. I was broken up with by a girl that “wants to find herself” Thinks I am the one but not sure. I provided distance and then she came around, only to leave again. Now we are back to the distance. What does this mean?
No contact does work but you must follow it to a T and if it takes 6 months or more do it it shows your strong and have self respect. If they leave let them but you have your rules too.
VERY true advice.
Best way to get an ex back is to get over them as much as you can.
So does NC really work…wat do you do if your ex comes to take a look at your mom and brings fruits cuz she is ill, and cooks with me, and he still does not talk anything abt the relation. And i dont either. cuz i don wanno be in the helpless situation ever again. i still love him.
thank u
Hi,
Had no contact with my ex for a month, then she contacted me (a friend told her to ring me, just worrying about me), she said she feels more content now, a weight has been lifted and she needs to ”be on her own”. She doesnt know what is in the future. Im lost without her, didnt realise how much i loved her until now. Help!
I absolutely love u dave ur words r jst so motivating n inspiring its been almost a week now that i have listened to ur advice n havent contacted my ex anymore and from knowing him i know one day he’ll come back again n doubt his decision but to be honest since afew days ago i hardly even have the desire to get him back I did what you adviced everyone here! i respected myself stopped contacting him and now I believe i deserve much better than him
! thanks for ur wise words
love
eli
Thank you super Dave!! It really helps me ready this. It hurts after two and half years being with someone and you break up and in two weeks he has someone already. I have done all the wrong things and now the NC rule is going into effect. I am doing it just like you said, to heal myself. If he comes back, it will be alot of talking and accepting in my part if I wish to. I this time, I do still love him. It breaks my heart that he has someone already in his life, but like you say, keep strong.
Thank you again,
Iris
Thank you Dave! Your words are truly inspirational. I am going through an extremely rough time with my break up. Granted, we only went out for 5 five months, but I fell head over heels in love with this guy. I never got to find out if he truly was in love with me. I guess having NC will help me know his feelings. I won’t wait for him, but I can’t help wanting him to regret his decision.
Dave, you are correct. I implemented the NC Rule before I knew what it was…I told my ex if he cheated AGAIN and he decided to walk away that I would seal the door and walk away. He did and so did I. We were together for 2 years. I was so IN LOVE with HIM and he ripped out my heart and trampled it not once but twice. When we broke up I was in agony for over 3 months. Not eating, not sleepy walking around like a zombie. I decided to get rid of everything that reminded me of him, deleted phone numbers, e-mails, etc. It has been almost 2 years since we broke up, every 3 months he contacts me leaving me messages to call him DELETE. He sent me a friend request on facebook DELETE, he sent me several messages on facebook DELETE. The last messagehe sent through facebook, he texted my sister to tell me to please read it – I did – he professes his love for me, apologizes for what he did to me and how I showed him true love and tells me not a day goes by that he doesn’t think about me…blah blah blah. I decided to forgive him, leave him in my past and I have moved on. I feel nothing for him now. The NC Rule “works”. I am living proof.
Thanks Dave. There was only thing you forgot to mention…..how long does this NC have to go on for to find out if its working? Ive put it into practice for 6 weeks now and no sign as yet??? :0(
I learned the hard way that the no contact rule is really there to help you get over the chick. If you have to use it in the first place you’re not on equal footing with the woman which means you can’t really win. I recently tried this tecnique with a girl who I was seeing for about 6 months that started treating me badly (not returning phone calls, flaking on dates, being weird) by pre-emptively breaking up with her (she was gonna break up with me for sure no doubt) then using the no-contact rule to perfection. I even lucked out and just after 30 days when you’re supposed to re-initiate contact I ran into her with some friends. I was even with a very attractive woman so she should have been at least somewhat jealous and concerned that I have moved on with my life.
We had a pleasant conversation and she seemed somewhat pleased to see me and gave me looks accross the room for the remainder of the night. I left before she did and emailed her shortly after saying it was great to see her. We wrote back and forth for a while about unemotional stuff that we’re both mutually into. In the end it went nowhere and she just stopped responding to my emails. (My rule is I send her an email and she must respond back to me before I send another.) Had she shown any interest in me through the emails and responded back in a REASONABLE time (normally she’d respond a week later.) I would have asked her out on a date. She never showed interest so I never asked her out. If I did ask her out without satisfactory interest and she said yes I’d probably just end up back in the same crappy relationship I pre-emptively left. The idea for me to use no-contact was to reset the relationship on EQUAL footing. In the end dispite my dicipline, good looks and coolness I failed.
Yes I’m upset about it because I’m really attracted to her but sometimes you gotta know when to fold and walk away with your dignity. Live to fight another day and re-supply your fort. There are other battles to fight.
Good luck guys! I know its tough on us these days!
Please help?I followed all sorts of online advice… Here’s where i am.
Long distance relationship. She broke with me a few weeks ago. I them told her not to contact me as I needed to take time to get over her. Today I just text her… Hope your well. I wanted to tell you I agree with the breakup. Recently something amazing has happened to me and I guess it’s true that things do happen for a reason…
I feel as if I’m getting mixed signals. She has respected my wishes so far of not contacting ms. The above text was advice I got out of a nc rule in a book I purchased. As for now I know she is working and cannot get back to me or even be able to check her phone. But what shook I do at this point if she does contact me. I do have an answer ready but since I prepped her not to contact me it seems as though nobody has the power. Just yesterday her friend called me and told me she was an emotional mess and said she couldn’t even think of being with someone else…. So I kinda know how she feels.. But am I doing the right thing here?
Ok so.. She text me hack about 3 hours after I sent my text… It said.
When ever you want to talk… I’m always here for u. I’m glad your doing so well:).
How come i feel like im not going to get any help from anyone here?
My girlfriend left me yesterday. I haven’t been able to stop crying, I can’t sleep and I can barely eat anything. I made the mistake with my ex before this of not stopping contacting them and as a result they didn’t want to change their mind at all, and it took me a lot longer to get over them. Things are gonna be different this time, I’m not going to contact her, I’ll only talk if she talks to me. It’s gonna be hard but I think I can do it. Thanks for the advice.
Does the NC rule work if you only dated a girl for 3 months? I know it sounds stupid but I truly feel that this girl was the one.
hi,i would love to share this story on how i got my love back,my husband left me for another woman,i was devastated and left alone in the dark,i tried all means to get him back until i found a love spell caster online who i contacted through his email psychicpela yahoo com..days later my love walked through the front door apologising for his misdeeds…for those of you in this type of situation,you can try him..
I want to thank you for such a great informational website.
Great Article, your information has helped so many people reunite with there ex’s. World class site and valuable information.
David Brown
“Stop wasting valuable time sulking about something you have NO CONTROL over. You do have control over YOU.”
I read this sentence every day when i feel down! Thanks for this great article! No contact is the best advice!
I was involved with some one for over 2 and a half years , we were on and off all the time, i never managed to do the no contact rule, but for the last three months , i have managed it, i realise that we both put each other through misery, that was unnecessary as both of us could not let go.
How ever we have both managed to keep up the no contact rule for three months now and on the whole things are a lot easier, it is hard to accept at first, but in the long run it is kinder to your self to let love go, if it is meant to be it will come back to you, if not it was never yours to have in the first place.
I still miss him, but I have to remain true to myself and keep my dignity, i have grown stronger as will you all, and if you do not get the person whom you desire back in to your life, there may be a good reason for that, maybe the universe is waiting for you to let go, so some one more suitable for you can come through
I have officially started the no contact rule and its been 4 days. Its so hard. I have friends that tell me to drop a line and say “Hey How are Ya”?. I have other friends who say drop off the face of the earth. Some are saying to come right out and ask him, but I know if i did I wouldn’t hear what I wanted. He said he needed to take a break from this for awhile. And Does a break mean a break up? I’m confused. Does the no contact really work? Any advice would be great.
Hi Kori,
It just depends what you wish for from the no contact rule…. if you are doing it to get your partner back, they need to realise how much they miss you, they cannot realise that if we contact them all the time, if you are trying to get them out of your system like i am, then no contact is good for that reason alone, also it can give you time to figure out what it is you really want.
The no contact rule is their for a good reason….. it gives your partner time to calm down and miss you, if they say they want a break and we continue to try and make contact, it will annoy them, because a) we are not respecting their wishes
and b) they just need space to work out what it is they want.
It took me over 2 years to get this no contact rule to work, we were back and forwards all that time, and all we did was create more pain for each other, you have to ask your self and be truthful with it, what is it you really want in your heart.
It will be three months for me next week, on the whole i am usually fine, but some times like now it is hard.
I would suggest giving him the break he needs, it sounds like you have fought for him as best you can, you are worth so much more, let him miss you and fight for you, and if he cannot see your worth, some one else will.
You need some one reliable in your life some that will be their for you at all times, some one who knows what they want, let him find out what he wants and in the mean time, take care of yourself, write a list of what it is that you want in a partner.
love and light
Rhiannon,
I wanted to say thank you for all your advice. It really helped a lot. Until I saw his fb status that said he was gonna leave fb for awhile. And then I was thinking is it because of me. Is he trying to get away from me. He still has us as in a relationship on his facebook. I constantly wonder why? So yesterday as my mind started to reel I broke my no contact rule and text him saying “I know you wanted me to back off and I have but I just wanted to let you know I am here for you”. I never got a response. Which I knew I wouldn’t . He went out and wrote all over fb what a great night he had. I felt like he was rubbing salt in the wound. What do I do now? I sit here and think. Does he want me? Does he miss me? How can he not see that I’m a great catch. What is my plan now? I just want him to come back. I still love him and I wonder if he feels the same? Why can’t I shut my brain off?
Any advice would be great. Thanks Kori
Hi Kori
That is why the no contact rule is so important, we give them the power to wound us, when we get in touch with them.
At the moment you are giving your power to him, you need to empower yourself, you are worthy of being appreciated, you are a good catch, you have to let this man go so that you can begin to heal, take it from some one who wasted 2 years by breaking the no contact rule, as he did we constantly caused the other one pain.
But by writing you sent him a powerful message, I still want you and it is ok for you to treat me like this , i will still be here for you when you want to treat me like this again.
You must start again with the no contact rule and go cold turkey it is the only way , you will save your self esteem in this situation and save yourself a lot of pain , when you think of him distract your self in any way you can, play music, read books, get out of the house, pray, what ever distracts you and takes your mind off him, learn to deal with you, what is it that you want in life, start dealing with the issues that you have not dealt with so far, that concern you.
We cannot control another, we cannot make another want us or accept us into their live’s , the only person you have control over is you, and that is more empowering than you think or imagine, you have the power to take control of this situation, you can take him off your facebook, I blocked my ex from mine so i would not be tempted to get in touch with him that way, any reminders of him you have i.e pictures, put them away where you cannot access them, I deleted all my emails from him, this may all take time for you to do, you will not feel ready to do it straight away, but you will get there and it only needs to start with the no contact rule, do this for yourself Kori, be kind to you my friend.
love and light Rhiannon
I forgot to say, some times people use face book status as a way of getting attention and it worked, you had ignored him, a small part of him did not like that hence the I am leaving face book, then when you responded, he sent another different message out, this is a guy who does not know what he wants, but he does need time to sort his head out. Other wise when we do not give people the space they want, things can get a bit verbally unpleasent and i would not wish for that on anyone.
Rhiannon,
Thanks again for your words of wisdom. I have read them over and over many times. You were right about giving him the power again. It just tells him that I am sitting here waiting for him to decide. I want to take the power back. I need to be strong for me. I need to realize that I need to realize that I want better in my relationships. I don’t want everytime we argue for them to walk out the door. Baby steps. Im just taking baby steps.
Thanks again
Kori
I just have a question about my ex. Its been almost two weeks since he ended things and I thought I was getting better. I recently broke my no contact rule and just got back on track . We are still friends on facebook and just recently our relationship status has changed to no relationship. He deactivated his account so at that time I went in and changed my status to no status. So he’s back on facebook and its hard to look at his profile now and see that he is no longer in a relationship with me. It hurts a little inside.
But what hurts more is that he re added his girlfriend of three weeks of whom he dated before me. He deleted her when him and I started dating. So now I sit here and my mind is racing and I wonder are they back together? How did this re add happen. Does she know we are over? I can’t shut my brain off.
What does this mean that he is doing this? Why should I even care. I feel sad and mad and probably a little jealous. Why does it bother me so much? Why can’t I shut my brain off. Why does all this have to be so hard?
I wonder why doesn’t he see that I am so wonderful? What was it about me that makes him not want to come back.
I know he has a lot of financial issues and his world is crashing around him. But can someone really check out mentally?
Or is it the cliche’ “He’s just not that into me”.
Now I sit here and I wonder did he even love me?
Ugh….Why is this crap so hard…..
kori
Hi Kori
It will hurt it will take time you are only 2 weeks into this write down your feelings for him in a book that might help relieve the tension better, i am not sure how to advise you apart from the way i have done so far, the more you try and guess what he is thinking the harder it will be for you.
My best advice to you is start going out with friends to learn to push him out of your mind, when you start to think of him, that way you can heal quicker.
I faced all the difficulties that you are facing and i can promise you with time things will get and can get easier. I have dated men since and met some nice men who i have kept as friends.
Help? My relationship was a long distance one. He started as my best friend, and though we knew we cared for one another, we left it mostly at a friendship, until September. We got in an argument in Jan that was silly, and I didn’t really recover. I was frustrated, distant, and made him feel like he couldn’t do anything right. Three weeks ago, he told me that I was blanking amazing, but he didn’t think we were ever going to be able to make it work with the distance. I am his best friend, and he thought it would be better if we went back to that. I was a bit hurt, but I do understand, and thought he was probably right. So I made a huge effort to be very graceful, said I agreed, understood, that his friendship meant a lot to me, and cracked a few jokes to lighten the mood. He got very upset with me that day, and kept insisting I was mad and I have no idea how he could have possibly thought I was mad based on my behavior. I made it clear it was okay, told him he was important to me, and again made a light hearted joke or two including smiley face! He was normal the next day, but for the next two weeks it was difficult. I was friendly, not flirty, but just acted like we did when we were strictly friends. Our contact was fairly even on both sides, but he kept getting irritated at me. Saying I was acting weird. And acting like he’d split with me because he didn’t have feelings for me, and that wasn’t the case, that he thought of me daily etc. I tried to joke it off cause I’m completely in love with him. And though I understand the distance is too hard, I want only him. I didn’t want things to get weird, and I didn’t want to break down and show weakness. A week ago Tuesday he texted me a picture and asked if I could put it on Facebook and tag him so he could make it his profile pic. I did, and left it for a few days. After a few days I realized a friend of his had liked my pic, and I was concerned about his friends being able to see my album. Really, what I was concerned about was that if he started dating or something, he’d ask me to take it down. And though I know we have to move on, I didn’t think I could handle it so soon, so I asked if he wanted me take it down now that he’d made it his profile picture and it was a separate entity. He took it wrong and accused me of being ashamed of him, and saying I must want it down so my ex husband wouldn’t see it. I got furious and told him I was sick of him pushing me when I was trying so hard to be “cool” about it, and that I was miserable and didn’t want him to go but that I wasn’t going to beg him to stay. So the next day (last Friday) We had a huge fight. He told me I was being childish and making it hard on him, and that I should have known he was joking about me being ashamed of him, (sure didn’t seem like a joke at all!!) and that he just thought it was weird that I’d care what anyone thought. That of course he didn’t want me miserable, but he couldn’t pretend nothing was wrong and leave us both miserable. I was furious as I felt he had broken up with me and then gotten on me constantly for not acting “normal”. And normal is NOT friends. Which is what I was trying to be. He was really pushing for a reaction, I told him I felt like he had led me on, acting like he didn’t want to split, and I felt like it was a bit of an ego trip, and he just wanted me to admit I was upset. I asked why he couldn’t just leave it be and be my friend if that’s all he wanted, and it hurt me that I felt he’d played head games cause his ego was bruised. He lit in to me about how not everyone was a pos like my husband, and not everyone was out to hurt me. Things got kinda ugly. A bunch of anger came pouring out about the fact that I am still fairly friendly with my ex husband (platonically) and he accused me of being in love with him, told me if we got married, ten years from now he’d still be hearing about my ex, and just went off on me. I know he doesn’t like my ex, but I never knew he was so upset I spoke to him or I would have respected that, and cut contact. My love and I have a good trust base and a healthy friendship (I thought), so it surprised me that there was so much pent up anger. In the heat of the argument, he told me we shouldn’t speak again, and blocked me on Facebook. I asked him what he was really angry about and he repeated what he’d said from the initial day of break up. That he was mad cause I had always told him if he didn’t feel the same to just tell me, and he did, and I got all mad. Huh? I never got mad at him. I don’t know how he could think that. I showed a few of my friends the texts we sent from work after the initial break up convo, and they agreed that I was very accepting and graceful. At that point I told him I was tired of arguing and didn’t want to talk, but we ended up texting back and forth for 6 more hours. (Which is odd, cause when he’s mad, he never argues. Just gets quiet and we don’t talk for a few until he’s calmed down) We finally calmed down and he apologized for making me feel like he was messing with my head. Said he did care, and thought of me every day, but still thought the split was best due to distance and our recent arguing. I agreed and told him I valued his friendship, but thought it would be best if we didn’t talk until we’d both had some time to heal. He told me to please go knowing he did love me, and wished me nothing but happiness. I haven’t spoken to him in a week. I miss him, but have no desire to talk right now. I need to work on me, and I’ve heard nothing from him. However, I do admit, I hope desperately that we will come out of this friends. I love him deeply. And it is more than just a romantic thing. He is my best friend. One of the few people I trust and I feel I can’t replace. He knows me very well, we have had wonderful times, a lot of lauughs, and he is an incredible person. I don’t really know what happened at the end. Emotions were high I guess. Do you think there is a chance this will be alright once we’ve healed a bit? I miss my friend terribly and I wish I’d never mentioned I was sad. Now I feel weak, and can’t talk to my best friend.
Wow all of these comments make so much sense…and are very empowering to say the least!
I just ended a 2 year realtionship in a very dramatic traumatizing way…to put it lightly it has been the worse week of my life.
I have not spoken to him in 3 days and do not intend on contacting him at all. I have been having doubts about our situation for awhile because he has full custody of his 2 teenagers who I just found out do not really want me around. I give up and need him to realize what he had in me. I deserve so much better and even though I love him so much I have to be kind to myself and walk away with dignity. I would have done anything for this man and his children they just did not want to let me in…so I gave up.
deep down I am hoping he will realize what a great person he had and get his kids the help they really need so he can come back and we can have the life I have dreamt about with them as a family. if that doesnt ever happen I will carry on. I really liked the comment…you cannot control others you can only control yourself….great words to help us all be strong.
Good luck everyone…..lets all hope that if we dont get what we thought we wanted we all find what we deserve.
Here’s a short version of my story and this is the first time I have ever posted anything. I dated this guy for 8 months we hit it off right from the start and and were together all of the time. I loved him but we both had come out of long term relationships and were hurt by someone else and we were great together. Everytime things would get more serious he would pull away and I knew he was scared so I was patient. Then about 2 months ago we had plans and when he didn’t give a second thought about putting our plans second to something that had just come up. I got hurt and I cried. We talked about and I went to bed thinking everything was alright. I had an appt the next day and when I came home I found a good-bye letter on table. He said it wasn’t fair to keep huritng me when I treat him amaizingly. I was devastated and honestly still am. The fact of the matter is he never took the time for himself to get over the hurt from his ex and I got to pay the price. Well since then we have not been able to stop communicating still. We text, email, or talk at least once a day. I went 4 days once with no communication and then I gave in again. I don’t know how to just go “cold turkey” I can’t make him want to be with me and I know he needs his space there is noone else but if he doesn’t want to be with me why does he continue to contact me? I keep hoping when he gets things straight in his own head and mind he will realize we were great together and come back but I can’t wait for him for ever. I just miss him! I don’t know how to stay strong enough not to text him or respond when he texts me.
Someone please help me, I am in serious situation.
I had been together with my boyfriend for 4 years, it was a long distance. It was amazing until he left me for his ex (who never loved him back) in 2008. Though he came back to me asap saying he was just confused. It took me a while to forgive him but I couldn’t forget what he did. After that day, we just started arguing alot. I would argue and he’d just listen and agree with me because he loved me. But slowly as time passed, he changed, he became the worst person ever. He treated me like a piece of trash for straight 9 months, breaking up with me, calling me names, cursing me out. But I loved him a lot, yet I suffered. Finally after 9 months, I couldn’t take it anymore and I left him without uttering a word which drove him crazy. He begged me back for 2 months to trust him again. I did, we got back. He came down to see me, everything was perfect until we started arguing again. He got me alot of gifts and clothes. So he says i am an ungrateful bitch etc etc.
Throughout those years, we kept getting back and breaking off. Though, we are that kind of couple that break up but eventually get back as he said when we were together. Last year december he met me again, it was amazing but we started arguing again. He called me a whore and what not pretty much on daily basis and defended his ex girlfriend against me. It takes a mental toll and eventually I started badmouthing him too. Relationship got screwed and yesterday we got into a big argument and i went through a nervous breakdown, my parents saw my condition and threatened him with police. Today I spoke to him again and he said he has blocked me everywhere, he will block my number and will never look back again. In the end he said, ”Do I love you? yes. Do I hate you? yes. My hatred is larger than my love. You went too far and If you don’t learn a lesson this time, you never will. Refrain from contacting me again, It was nice knowing you, good bye forever” and just left me. I still love him, yes i made mistakes but so did he. He cursed me on daily basis. He wont delete our pictures on facebook for some reason. What should I do? Will no contact rule work? If it does, how long? Please help me I am really shattered…
Me and my live-in bf of 3yrs broke up on Feb.15.2010. I broke it off with him bc we were in a small argument and i was getting frustrated that he wasnt acting the same with me. After 3 days i realized i didnt wanna break up with him and called hiim on saturday. He started yelling at me and freaking out that i cant play with his emtions like this and the whole nine yards. He said this time hes done and hes not coming back. I did the begging and crying like a fool for 3weeks, My no contact rule started on Mar.20th and havent heard anything from him yet. Our engagment was set for July and all of a sudden this is gone. Last week Friday i got a private call @ 11:30pm i answered they listened and hung up. Then this sat.April.09 i got another private call @ 1:07am. I never get private calls so its not something im use to and find it very wierd.
Any advice?
hi, i need help. ive been friends with my ex on and off when we were together i wasnt myself n alcohol took over. Now that im myself my ex says he will never give me another chance. He wanted to be friends so we were on n off with that n we were still having sex. I just cut everything off n told him cuz its too hard for me right now and im going to finally stick to this and he got mad n blocked me from everything but b4 he wouldnt care. I wanted to know if you think i should forget about him bcuz for some reason my gut instinct thinks if im friends with him hell want me back. I would love to hear your opinion please.
My boyfriend of 21/2 years broke up with me about 2 months ago. He still text me everyday and came over to my house a few times a week and stayed the night with me once a week. We never had sex after we broke up. At first he told me he didn’t know what the future held for us but recently told me that he wanted to work things out. I have helped him with money and every since then he has been acting very different there will be some days when he will not text me back or try to start a fight so we won’t have to talk. i asked him about this and he said that i blow everything up and assume to much. I honestly love him and understand why we broke up we both had problems with the other but we still talked every day. I am starting the NC today it has been so hard my mind keeps wondering why he doesn’t care that i haven’t text him or why hasn’t he text me to see if i was okay. I really hope we work out but it’s so hard with the mixed signals he gives me one day he tells me he loves me and misses me and the next day he doesn’t talk to me. We promised each other that if we found someone else we would tell the other but i just don’t trust that he hasn’t. 7 days after our break up he went out on a date he said he wasn’t attracted to her but then why go on a date with someone you don’t find attractive on Valentines day and especially 7 days after we broke up i know that i want this more then he does just by the way he acts i just don’t know what to do. i really need some advice i have looked up everything i can think of to see if he still loves me and wants me back. Since actions speak louder then words i get the feeling he just used me to help him out with his money problems. I just wish he would tell me the truth instead of what i want to hear because in the end he just hurts me more by saying he want’s to work things out and get back into things slowly one day and the next doesn’t even talk to me obviously i got played and i am so hurt that he could do this to me.
I am in this situation, sorta, I can not contact my ex…because his new girlfriend (after 1 week) made him go tell the cops I was harrassing him and when the cops called me, I had just as many calls/texts as he did (he obvoiusly wasn’t telling her he was talking to me), so now the it works both ways (we can not contact one another or next time, whoever does will get charged).
So this puts the no contact into play. I still want him back, he was my best friend, I feel like my best friend has died since I can’t even contact him.
And i just sit here and think that this is the end, because of that now, even if either one of us wanted to contact the other, we will be too scared.
People tell me that old saying, “If you love someone let them go, if it was meant to be they will come back.” But I also see a problem with that. . .if both parties do this, nobody will come back, they will both be sitting around just waiting on the other one.
It honestly makes me want to give up on life.
Thx man for your advice. Everytime i feel the need to call my ex, i just read your article and it makes me feel good inside. I know what you mean by hearing her voice one last time, but it ain’t worth it. I know im gonna get through with this and with the advice you’ve given its time i do, no point in wasting my time for someone who doesn’t want their time wasted on me. Thx again SuperDave
What if she is d one who cut off all our communication? She even deleted me on facebook. Is she still has feeling for me? Can anyone answer my question, please help. . .
This was a very insightful article. It pretty much spelled out exactly what I already knew deep down inside. Thanks SuperDave.
Hi,
It has been almost two weeks now since we made the NO CONTACT rule. I pretty much told her I will be waiting until she figures out what she needs to figure out.
I just don’t see how she could be missing me or loving me without any contact.
HERE is my dilemma/what I was thinking:
I was thinking about putting a small paper crane on her windshield while she is at work one night. (it is a small paper crane from right before we started dating. someone had given it to her, who had a crush on her, and she had suprised me with it, it was really cute)
Do you think this is a good idea? I wouldnt actually be breaking NO CONTACT rule, it would just be leaving that, something small, on her windshield to remind her of me.
I had been friends with my ex for over a year and we started dating and had been on and off for over 2 years. About a year ago he told me he didn’t want a relationship and ended up dating my close friend, I cut off all contact with the both of them and after a few months when I had moved on and started dating someone new, he came back begging for me back saying he made the biggest mistake and that he loved me. So no contact does work, but anyway we eventually got back together and we were on again for about 9 months and he tells me things are getting to serious and he was moving far away from me and we probably would never see each other, but he was right we had so much going on and we’re still young and I didn’t want to believe him because I was in love and believed we could work, but we disagreed and just left it at that. Well out of the blue he says he doesn’t want anything to do with me and I was so heartbroken, but I tried no contact again, obviously I was forced to.. and it’s been working I have been getting over him and I’m not hurting now that he’s seeing someone new, but I’m hurting because I lost my bestfriend and I’m starting to miss him and I don’t know if I should just leave a message saying hi or something, but I think back to when he said he didn’t want anything to do with me and I stop myself from contacting him and I hear he has been asking my friends and family about me so it just makes me want to contact him I don’t know what to do. Should I contact him now or should I keep the no contact rule going? It’s been almost 2 months though and I feel like I should keep it going just because it’s been nearly 2 months.. It’s all too frustrating and I need help or advice.
My x bf of almost a year broke up with me 6 days ago for the 10th time, it was been a tough on/off relationship. he broke up with me whenever he wished and always asked me back out. He still called and texted me 2 days after the break up. After that, I just get mean text msgs saying “I hope your having fun at the club” or “Enjoy your date”, “You don’t miss me” and the last one I received last night, “I know whats going on, he was just asleep. Don’t contact me anymore.” He said that because I didnt reply, I was asleep. So I’m doing what he asked for, I haven’t texted or called him all day today. My question is, if he texts me, how do I respond? Lik eI dont give a rats a55 or not respond at all? I miss him soo much,
This blog brought me to tears – I undertsnd the important and benefits of no contact. I hope that everyone will take the time to read the article before posting their lengthy scenario.
my ex let me go i chased for a whole month then toned down but still was chasing next month until she told me she moving on so out the blue i just been leaving her alone since july 25th and its August 5th i hope the no contact work i love dat girl
Wow, this was a great article. I’m not too long back into the dating scene after a 15-year relationship. I recently got dumped after a short relationship (2.5 months) but it was with someone who connected with me and I with him, both spiritually and physically and I was blindsided when I was told by him that his feelings were not the same as mine and when he replied in the affirmative when I asked if he wanted to stop seeing me. I thanked him for his honesty, wished him well and quietly walked away. Didn’t let him go, mind, it was me who went. I immediately deleted/threw away everything I had that had anything to do with him. It has been six days now and I have not contacted him in any way. All this before learning (through googling, which is how I ended up here) that there is an entire mindset wrapped around the ‘no contact’ theory.
Granted, the ‘relationship’ I’m talking about was short, so there’s far less involved but it was a complete rejection all the same.
I don’t enter any kind of relationship whether it be a friendship, romance, or working relationship with the suspicion or expectation that I’m going to get screwed over or dealt with dishonestly. Those things are out of my control. I can only seem to approach new relationships with openness, willingness to work hard, and honest reactions and perspectives to what I am being shown and told. By giving honestly of myself (and I don’t mean by allowing myself to be stepped on) I am able to show the other person how I feel about them, no matter the nature of the relationship.
Essentially what this means is that SuperDave hit the nail on the head when he said that by implementing no contact you are giving your ex exactly what they asked for, which in an honest relationship is what you’ve done all along with he/she. They may eventually come to appreciate that particular virtue and if it’s right, it’ll be right and it will repair itself. Otherwise it’s wrong. It always is what it is, however, and can’t ever be anything else.
That said, would I see my ‘ex’ again if he contacted me and wanted to talk things over? I don’t honestly know since it hasn’t happened. I would like to say I wouldn’t, but that’s always easier said than done and actions always speak louder than words. So, since inaction is also an action thus, the concept of no contact becomes clear. Ultimately we sometimes have to accept that some things are irreparable, and yes…sometimes we do get screwed over and dealt with dishonestly.
I took him at his word when he said he didn’t want to see me anymore; crying and being clingy and trying to convince him that he was wrong would only serve to tell him I think he’s a liar, so I chose to believe him when he said it. I will not let myself languish in uncertainty…I don’t have time for it, frankly. Life is too short and that’s not just me being a hard-ass. Plus, someone always has to take the high-road.
SuperDave has written an excellent and insightful article; so glad I found it.
Good luck to you all
Good article. It is hard work though.
This will seem minor for those in serious relationships but…
I dated a girl for a couple of months. For me she was the one. She panicked about commitment for whatever reason and we ended things, really she instigated the ending. Anyway I didn’t contact her like she told me and after 4/5 weeks she is asking about me to my friends and making comments about me.
I messed up because my friend insisted I should try to contact her after she had been showing interest, which I did by sending just 2 texts and she hasn’t replied. I know now that I’m back to square one and I’ve reset the NC rule. It’s crazy because at the time if I had of just bumped into her it could have been different and from what I heard she would have liked me to actually make a move on her. Now I messed it up by sending those 2 texts…it seems texts are the worst thing. Physically seeing me would have been so much better. If I’m lucky I can wait another month or so and forget her and hope she shows interest again. But the longer it gets left now the more likely she will find someone else and completely forget me.
I HAD TO SAY YOUR AWESOME.
thank you for this it’s the only post I read that made me feel better.
I was literally while reading this nodding my head and saying out loud “yeah.. I should focus on me, yeah.. I should go out and have fun, yeah I should go out and be someone!” lmfao man thanks so much. <3
sorry for the big reply well i have just broke up with my exs g/f after 5 years we lost a baby just over a month ago and where engaged then just over a week ago on a firday we argued wile she was up her firends she came home the next morning said shes moveing bk in with her perants she needs time to think so i tryed to give her time but at same time keep telling her how much she ment to me and how much i loved her then this saturday just gone i txted her sayin could we please talk unless you truly dont love me and ill respect that she replyed with i dont think i do love you no more so i said ok i respect that and deleted her number she txted me few mins l8ter saying we can still be friends and im so confused and just woundering could she onestly not love me no more and if this is truly then end
I have never used the NC but i had a ex for a yerar and finally u used the NC rule with out knowing it now ive moved on but because i was hurt about my ex i became a little clingy and this girl just wants to be friends i do want it to work cas she is a great girl but if it dosent work i learnd to acept it So will it show progress if i want to use NC in this round She does show she cares in many ways
What saddens me , that none of the stories in the comments have a good ending …
My GF asked a “break” in our relationship . because she needed some space . lately we both have been through something . and she started going to a new school . and she said she felt pressured . though she probably just let the feeling of having something “new” blind her …
We didn’t have alot of problems , maybe just a few that we didn’t get to tallk about . we were really a good couple . and even while breaking up with me . she just cried infront of me and told me she doesn’t want this to be the end , and that she loves me , and will come back once she clears her mind …
She asked if we could at least be friends during this time . and I said no … because inside I know I won’t settle in having just a part of her … plus…I decided that we should not contact each other , so she could have that space she needed . and hopefully – she will miss me , and realize what a mistake it was to what we had go to waste …
And right now…i’m really out of balance . I want to believe that we will get back , better than ever . and right now I just need to focus on me , and be optimistic . but some “advisors” tell me to just move on . but I don’t wanna belive that forgetting someone is so easy , and lose all my hope …
so here I am , trying to prove myself i’m going in the right track . but… it seems that all of this , is really a disguise to get over the breakup . and none of the people here , really got their love back…
hi. my boyfriend broke up with me last monday? he said we were arguing too much but i would always look well and be sexy to him and that he still loves me alot and im a very hot and goodlooking girl. but he could not take the pressure.ive been texting him all week and suddenly he said by text last saturday night when i was at 21st birthday party . enjoy yourself and find a nice new man tonight. i was shocked. does that mean our relationship was false and meant nothing to him for the last 3 months?. but i started the no contact rule yesterday im finding it hard but we will see if he comes back. i love him and miss him so much. what does i will always love you and care for you and im thinking i may have made a mistake. and i will always be apart of your life if you let me mean exactly to a man?
hi guys! please help me!
my girlfriend broke up with me around the end of march this year. we have been together for more than five years and we strongly loved each others. of course sometimes we had some problems like in any other couples. she is a strong and good person. during this break up i messed up the situation with calls and texts, pleading, begging, all the time to come back with me and she always said ”no! no chance to get back together! i don’t want you! my feeling is changed!” she also said in the beginnig of the break up something like ”this couple will never get back together if i go ahead like this!” or another story later on like ”give it time, nothing it’s impossible” or still another thing she said lately when i met her and she was even cryng because she feels pity that i’m still struggling about the break up ”how i’m supposed to give another chance to someone tha is begging me!?” …. now i’m sticked to NC rules, it’s almost two weeks now and i think that i’ll keep going like this for a month to see if she will miss me. i madly love her and i ‘d like to rekindle things between us, how can do it? is there a chance to make a plan tryng to regain love ? please guys if you can help me out! any suggestions are very welcome!! thank you so much! Gp
ok so i don’t usually post on these but here is my story…
my ex broke up with me because i show no affection in public (as I am very shy) and he said he felt like i didn’t want to be seen with him and he couldn’t deal with it anymore.
so we didn’t speak for a while, then i saw him and he said all like how it was nice to see me, then text that he missed me… anyways i didn’t do anything about it as i was scared to let him know my feelings in case i got hurt.
a couple of months passed and again we bumped into each other, and he repeatedly said afterwards how good it was to see me and he hoped to again soon. so the no contact thing was ruined at this point as i was sure he still liked me so we talked quite frequently. eventually i told him i missed him too and we met, he kept saying how he still loved me but was really confused. and after confronting him he said he didn’t want to take the risk of it being the same as before. so i just said ok, and that was that.
but i became too clingy – it didn’t work, the no contact thing was working until i started talking too much again.
i won’t be making the mistake again, and that has also returned me to square one of the process of feeling hurt etc.
if he comes back to me, he does, and maybe we will try again, maybe not. but i most definitely will not be chasing him anymore.
no contact definitely makes you feel happier with yourself and your life.
Hi,
My name is Justin.
Recently, (last Saturday) my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. (Were Both 21) She said that the relationship just doesn’t feel the same anymore and that I didn’t communicate enough with her and that it hurt her. She said that she still really cares for me and that it would mean a lot to her if I would still be apart of her life. I talked to one of her best friends and she said just give her space. Of course I broke down and I knew it was hurting her on the inside too but she just wasn’t showing it. We were together for 5 and a half months and our anniversary would have been on october 24th. I know she cares deeply about me, she was always constantly reminding me of how much she loved me and how happy I made her and that she wanted to be with me forever and that no guy had ever made her feel so wanted and happy before. There was a time when I told her that I wanted to marry her one day and have kids were her, she cried because she said that was the best thing anyone has ever told her. I truly meant it and still do.
Since the break up I did text her a message confessing my love and how sorry I was. Which I now know is a big NO NO. It will only push them away more, women aren’t attracted to needy, helpless guys and begging them is not the way to go. So I read up on what I should do to get her back. I know that I have to work on the problems that ended the relationship, I’m already achieving some of my goals. I read that you should initiate a NO CONTACT PERIOD with her, give her some time to think things over and give her a chance to miss me. It’s been hard but I’m sticking to it, I told her that I still care for her and I will be here if she ever wants to talk about anything.
I know there is not another guy because she is not the type of girl to look for a rebound guy. She relies a lot upon making a connection which takes time with her. Her dad raised her better than a lot of parents raise there children now adays. Also, when she broke up with me she mentioned that maybe it wasn’t a good time right now. She has a lot of things going on, work, trying to find time to spend with family and friends and then me. Maybe it was just too stressful.
I just want to know what I should do.
How long should I keep the no contact period up?
If she contacts me should I respond immediately or wait awhile?
If I don’t contact her does she think I don’t care about her?
I just want to know what I should do. Any advice/help is greatly appreciated
Thanks.
I was seeing a man exclusively for a couple months. I had my doubts about him from the begining, but yet at the same time it felt like we had a great connection. Things went pretty smoothly during the time were together. He would say things like I’m inspirational to him & he loves me. I tried to keep my feelings intact for the most part, but he knew how I felt about him. Long story short on all of this, towards last week or so it seemed he was pulling away & acting funny. I went over to his house to say “hi” one night & he acted weird & wouldn’t let me in his house. Only his roommate was there & I asked why he wouldn’t invite me in? And he said his roommate was in one of his moods & said trust me it’s not a good idea I come in right now. He was still acting funny, but told me everything is fine between us & we will talk later perhaps & he will see me on Saturday, for we were going to hang out & do some fun stuff. But all of a sudden his roommate opened up the door & looked at us both. I said “hey josh”(his roommate). And then I said are you okay? He looked puzzled & then said “he is confused” & closed the door. I looked at my bf asked him what that was all about? He said no I can’t or won’t explain that right now & not to worry & sent me home. Or so he thought. It got the best of me and decided I was going to sneak around his house to see if I could hear what it was all about. Yes I know creepy, & I have never done that before EVER, but it was all so strange & fishy. But he caught me & I tried to explain why, but he wouldn’t listen & yelled at to go home. In which I did this time. I tried to explain & apologize for invading his privacy. But he wouldn’t speak to for a day & a half. In the mean time I kept texting & calling trying to explain my actions & why I did that and how sorry I was I did that to him. And hoped we could work it out. Well finally the second day of trying to get him to speak. He sent me a text & said “GOOD BYE,FOR GOOD. LEAVE ME ALONE…That crushed me & said I understand but apologized once again & that I was confused. I had nothing to him for a week & then left a VM stating I agree with him to not see eachother anymore & it’s for the best. And sincerely apologized for what happened. And that how I never had feelings for a guy in such a long time that I often thought about breaking it off myself, cause it scared the crap out of anyways. And that I enjoyed our time together & some of the things I will miss. & hope that one day we can be on friendly terms & take care & if ever needed I got your back. And I respect his wished to leave him alone. So my question is will the NC work for me still? And if so do I tell him to not contact me even though he is still not speaking to me? And the last message I left did that do more harm then good? I was just trying to show him no heart feelings & there can still be room for friendship. I liked him soo much & I feel soo stupid for what I did. Man i never did that before & now I know why. Do you think he will ever forgive & speak to me again?
It has been alomst 2 weeks since my ex stopped speaking to me. His last words were Good bye for good! Leave me alone!. I pissed him off pretty good & I made the mistake by calling & texting too much for a day & a half apolgizing for what I did & asked explained why & that I care. Well after a week of saying nothin & not get any replies. I left 1 more VM stating I agree with his decision for usnot to see each other anymore & apolgized again & asked one day if we could be on friendly terms & that I will miss him. Which still no reply. So my question is what do I do from here? Do I say don’t contact me even tho he hasn’t what?? I want him back I miss him soo much!
I just recently got dumped by my fiance of 3 months. I asked her twice why she broke up with me and got two different answers. Because and I was controlling. Before the break up she was really stressing out about her finals and not having enough hours to pay her bills. I had recently told her that i would help her pay those bills by going 50/50 with her. She was really happy about that and thought it was awesome that i was stepping up to the plate. I would ask her if i could come over about once a month to spend the night and ask her when we could spend time together just because I never knew when we would be able to hangout next between her being in school and working. We talked a lot and about just about most everything. The one thing i noticed is that she would call her parents a lot and even when we were on dates sometimes. One day her father brought it to my attention and i told him how i felt about it and she said that i was controlling that i was trying to take her away from her parents and she couldn’t talk to them. I explained to her over the phone how i felt and what i really meant and things smoothed over. She had pressured me into getting a credit card (limit is 300 bucks) to pay for the engagement rings and also into having sex before marriage (we are both christian). I was not a virgin before this relationship please note. she had kinda rushed me to get engaged with her but i didn’t mind because i thought it was just one of those things you just have to suck it up. I did want to get engaged and get married. My parents both loved her and thought she was good for me but they didn’t really approve of us getting married just yet. We changed the wedding date twice. from december 2011 june 2012 and then to august 2012. She would keep asking me if this is what i wanted and i would say yes and i would ask her the same question and she would say yes. She and i also brought up our exes and to a point we dealt with it ok. She was worried i was going to leave her for another woman or call off the wedding and I was afraid that I was going to lose her to another guy or say something and screw things up. I really love this woman and I don’t want to lose her. I was wondering if anyone could tell me if i have a chance of getting her back? or if i should go looking elsewhere. Please also note before we broke up she said i was a great guy and also note her parents love me to death.
I have also come up with this theory and would like some opinions about it.
I think she just wanted to use any reason she could to get out of the relationship that she had rushed along because she was afraid that I would leave her or end up like one of her exes. then she just didn’t want the stress of a relationship at the moment so now she is just going to complete school and stay single to after then who knows what
I think she kind of planned on me breaking up with her but when she noticed I was stepping up to the plate and taking it more serious and I was different it scared her
sorry for such a long thing but the details are quite important.
she also got me a job so we could get married. I didn’t have one because i had recently come home after dropping out of Norwich university
thankyou so much for that kick in the ass, i do pretty well most of the time but this was a good reminder
THANK YOU, I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS
Here is my story,briefly. Someone shed some light please!!
I have been seeing a co-worker of mine for almost a year. We got along like a house on fire. Greatest sex ever!! Along the way, we fell in love. You should read some of her emails to me which were full of “I have never felt like this with anyone. I have felt love after a very very long time”, etc. Of course we have had our breakups where I usually just go up to her after a couple of days and she used to just melt in my arms. But this time she seemed very serious about breaking up. I also, having read many articles on this, agreed with her and said if that is what you want, okay, I will leave you alone. And I did! We just nod when we see each other in the corridors. But yesterday, she sent me an email like nothing had happened, BUT a very professional one asking me for some information. Not wanting to be rude, I sent an equally professional email answering her. So, now what happens?? Is she sending me a message and that i should contact her? Or is she just trying to feel me out to see how I am doing? What should I do? Any ideas anyone?
Thank you so much. This info has really helped me. My man is going through a divorce and has been living with me. He up and left me out of nowhere. I am doing the nc when he calls. He is going crazy and he is wanting me back more then ever. I will keep doing it until he realizes it is me or her. It seems to be working. Thank you so much!
I’m having a tought time. I want to call him so bad and I don’t have friends or family to talk to
I have a situation.
I started dating my best friend and we had an amazing relationship, but it was long distance.. like really long. We go to school probably 30 hours away. We always had feelings for one another throughout high school and were very much in love, talked about moving in together for the summer, and he told me I was the love of his life and that “He’d never felt this way before” and saw himself graduating college dating me. Needless to say we didn’t move in together seeing how we’re both broke college students and he got an internship in a different state so he stayed at his grandparents and then came home on weekends.
One weekend in may we got in a really big fight when we were drunk.. stupid I know.. and the next day we met up to talk and he kept saying that he couldn’t deal with not seeing me and that it was tearing him apart that he couldn’t make me happy anymore and that we should continue things after college.. said he was a “coward” but although he was in love with me he just couldn’t deal with the distance anymore.. plus I’m going to abroad for a semester in the Spring to tack on to the 30 hours we’re already apart. He didn’t think he was good for me right now and thought i deserved better and everything in his life was causing him to become emotionally exhausted. I kind of freaked out. I was blindsided and extremely hurt. I never expected this from him.
A few days later we talked and worked things out that we’d see where the summer took us but we’d go our separate ways at the end, and all he kept thinking about was the end of the summer and how we had to part and he wasn’t treating me normally and I could tell he was scared. So I ended things with him because I couldn’t put any energy into something if I wasn’t going to get the same in return and honestly I just couldn’t trust him with my heart the same way.
We’ve talked a few times since.. nothing major, honestly we were suppose to hang out a few times but he blew me off but when I saw him at the end of summer at a party he was always looking at me and got extremely jealous when a guy was flirting with me. He kept putting his arm around me but I didn’t give in because I was being stubborn/hurt and I was in the mind set “This is what he wanted”. So we went to school from there.. we texted and caught up a bit around mid september and maybe like 2 other times we randomly texted but that was it and I went home for Thanksgiving, still very much not over him, and saw him. It was a rough setting, I was at a wake for a friend of mine that we both graduated with. I looked up and found him staring at me, giving me this smirk he always use too, so I smiled and looked down because I got that overwhelming heart sinking feeling.
I went up to talk to him to break the ice, and he remembered our entire conversation from September which caught me really off guard and I told him I was actually leaving to go to Europe in the beginning of January, and he was like “Your year long plan is finally coming true.” and looked me dead in the eye and asked me “Are you happy?” I know he was talking about my trip, but the look in his eyes took me for a loop and made me think there was something more and all I could tell him was that I was scared, eventually I ended the conversation and walked away because I was really taken back by everything. 45 minutes later he was still there and as he walked by me he gave me a hug and held me and all he could say was “Have fun next semester” and walked away.
I know and understand I have to let him go. I’m sad to say it has been 6 months since we broke up and I’m still in love with him. I need to go abroad and figure myself out a bit, but I’m afraid of losing him completely. I don’t know what to do. I just want to know from a guys opinion/or girls, if I’m wasting my time my thinking about him, or if he actually does still care about me.
People tell me to give him space and to not contact my ex, but the thing is when do I know to contact him again? Will he even notice I’m gone? What if he falls in love with someone else. Everyone I know including his cousins and brothers are saying that they are positive that I’ll be given another chance, but I honestly don’t feel that way. I love him so much. I just wanna be there for him because I know I might be the only person that’ll be there for him whenever he needs a shoulder to lean on..
30 days since break up and 7 days NC. But all of a sudden his sister is texting me to find out how im doing?? Why does he need to know?
Hi , ive read about no contact and all and I think it should be working becuz many ppl do said so is jus becuz of e emotion n feeling terribly lost after a sudden lost contact makes u wan to pick e fon n call n text,
I have this issue here where after break up for 2 days I did not contact her at all, bt slowly she did n even call me to just chat! She text me a couple of time thou I replied very slow few hrs after her reply and so on she continue to text me and all, frm
E text I could not just don’t reply her beck is like her text is asking me quest n all and I’m afraid if I ignore her text soon ltr she tot I did not wan her anymore! And I’m afraid if next time I contact her she will just don’t bother,
Den she ask me to be her friends as usual but I told her I’m ok if u insist u wan it bt I told her is common usually say befrens after break up but soon later lost contact, she was happy Tat I say I’m ok to be Frens and frm there she everyday text me and sometimes I did not reply yet she will stil text me and all, den we tok bout our past and all and slowly the conversation frm her is like showing me care, we had text for about a week and one day when I send her a text she did not reply till next day,
I ask her why and she say dunno wht to reply which is an excuse and frm my ego I was frustrated n angry Tat she had broke her promise as remain fren n contact each other, and so I told her tats fine if u don’t wan reply take care n see u , frm there onwards she reply ok bye bye and I pull back saying im
Joking don’t angry, later few days i text her but she always send me a reply in one word only sometimes yes or no , and sometimes when I reply her text she do not wan to reply me for few days, and e feeling now is drifting, if I text her first she will reply but after few msg she will stop, I know I screw up all, but we have broken up for a month nw, u think is still possible to stick to no contact frm now? However we still wk in the same company
Me and my ex broke up 3weeks ago and I’m really struggling to cope with it. Last week he got with someone else I think its a rebound relationship has he has a tough time dealing with a break up as I do. Its happened before has we bin in an off of relationship for 7yrs. He usually realises its me he wants and comes back to me but I’m really scared he won’t this time. You say to have no contact with him but its kinda hard not to when we have children together. Iv done all the wrongs to get him back already begging him, telling him I’ll change and constantly phoning and texting him. I’m worried iv done to much of this and blown my chances of ever getting him back. Can someone please give me some advice what to do.
I ment an on off relationship for 7yrs
Im in total agreement with everything said here.. Particulary about no contact with your ex. Probably one of the hardest thing you cant do but certainly the most effective when it comes to healing. I personally made no contact with my ex for just over 6 months… After contacting him.. Even meeting up with I realised I felt nothing for him. I can talk to him but there is absolutely no physical or sexual attraction there whatsoever. He said he still loves and I was always the one for him but I don’t feel the same anymore. No contact definitely gave me time to heal and get over him maybe even more than I thought I would. Thank you so much for an insightful, thought provoking and most of all truthful forum.
What if I broke no contact? Can I start all over and still get him back? I honestly thought 1 month was enough, so I contacted him after 1 month and he still wanted nothing to do with me, although he did admit to missing me, up to the point he was stalking me on the internet like hell and almost had, in his words, a “panic attack” LOL. Anyways, can I start no contact again? And this time, will HE be the one to initiate the contact? Any sound advice would be appreciated, thank you
Hey … Thanks for the tips.. I have been doing the NC thing for just under a month. Man, it’s killing me . The worst part is, I was clearing my phone of her messages and like an IDIOT I accidentally pressed the call button. It rang twice before I realized what I’d done and hung up right away.. She would have seen my missed call and didn’t call back. I’m pretty sure that she has another guy that has swooped in on her… Now what?
We split because I was told some vicious lies about her and in trying to protect her I totally messed it up. She now thinks I believed the lies and that I’m a total jackass. The last contact I had with her, she didn’t want to know me or let me explain and basically hates my guts… I can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t work. I have done all the exercise a man can do and used every tool available to man to get over it.. Nothing helps.. if there was ever a time that I have ever cried out for help, now is the time. Can’t believe I’m feeling like this.. Am I crazy or what?
So I had a relationship from distance for a year and half before that i was with her for one year, during these a year and half we were great together, except the fact she called me less than i did. Anyway i had an argue with her just before i was planning to get to her in my country and i told her to be friends instead of being more, but she told me she could not see herself without me but again she got angry of my thoughts and she kind of told me not to return. I told her i am going to comeback and i wont call or text and i did it, then she began to call me and telling me to get to her ASAP because she wants me to be with her during exams. I did,and the interesting part was she told her family she wants to be with me and i spent 5 days with her family with them. Then things changed when I left with her from village to city so she can be here for exams. She refused my call and we had a fight , there was also this gf of her that somehow i think she was trying to advice here what to do or not. Any way before her exam after a week she texted me she has bad news she does not want to be with me altough i am a valuable person for her. Then i acted in a way that i was cool with the decision but later she sent me back the gift i gave to her and that made me angry. my sister tried to talk to her and she told she really does not know what she has to do but again after a while she called me telling she does not love me and again i said okay and i said also it is hard to loose someone that i love the most, and she was surprised, she again texted me with a strange phone and i found out that when i called back. again i tried to keep the no contact rule but time to time i tried to call her and again we had fights everytime she brings a reason which is not true. I do not see any reason why we are breaking up? does she need attention? will no contact work? it is about 2 months. when i talk about her and good memories she feels kind of relaxed but when i began to talk about our fights she becomes angry.I do not see any reason why she is breaking up with me all i know she keep telling me she loves to be alone. She acts she is happy where she is not. maybe i am wrong? maybe i have to forget her? please help… thanks
My ex-husband and I had always manged to stay friendly after our divorce, but I always wanted to get back together with him, and he was never sure. So, I thought it was about time I MADE him sure! All it took was a visit to your website and a request for a specific love spell, and acc spell’s powers began to work their magic. My spell is working because guess what: My “ex” is soon to be my husband again! This is nothing short of a miracle. Thank you, acc spell. Words are not enough. contact him accspelltemple@gmail.com he can be a great help
My MUM was always the person I turned to when I needed something. It was her advice I counted on, and her that I talked to about my most needful things. She died 3 months ago, and at first I was so lost without her I did not think I could function. But then I found DR MOON He has filled that empty hole in my heart from the loss of my mother. I can turn to him for guidance and spiritual advice. He is always available and he always cares. It’s not about money for him. Even better, I finally asked him to perform a love spell on me, and it worked!! I met a man who had also experienced a great loss and we were able to become close friends and provide support to each other. We have fallen in love and my life could not be better. Thank you, DR, MOON for helping me through the worst times of my life, for being such a great spell caster, and for giving me a love spell that has brought me so much joy. If you doubt his ability, trust me. You should take a chance. It pays off in ways you could never even imagine.Email him ayelalashrine2@gmail.com
thank you “super duper” dave for this wonderful advice
I have mixed feelings about the no contact rule. If your relationship has become abusive or exploitative then no contact breaks this dysfunctional pattern by “forcing” the other person to find someone else to use as a punching bag or “thing” to meet their selfish or self-serving demands. On the other hand, no contact can be used as a form of cruel rejection and control, or to force another person to give in to your demands or change. You must decide if you are using no contact to protect yourself or to punish or toy with the other person, and be honest and open with yourself and the other person about your reasons and intentions. I had one partner threaten to dump me if I did not meet all his sexual preferences, and I said he was most welcome to leave. Another friend is ill, and despite caring about her I am also aware that she puts her needs first and tends to use other people for support and to do chores for her, but has not been there to help me when I have needed support. In this case, I have decided to give what time and help I can without exhausting myself in the process, but not feel guilty for not running to meet her needs while placing my own needs or priorities on the back burner. Some people need to grow up and learn to be alone and sit with painful feelings instead of running off and finding someone to fill the gaps in their lives or offer instant relief from fear of loneliness, emptiness, pain, neediness, lack of attention or affection etc. No contact at the end of a relationship helps to break the cycle of abuse and allows painful feeling to die down and both people to regain a sense of calm and clarity. I think too many people rush out and find a replacement partner too early rather than work through their feelings first and date when they are healthy enough to be in a new relationship. Once the resentment, anger, pain, grief and sense of loneliness have ended and you are happy and centred again, you will know that you are ready to be with someone else. Until such time, you run the risk of hurting the next person by not really being there for them. You are responsible to create your own happiness and sense of security, and should not enter a relationship expecting the other person to provide what is missing in your life. If someone imposes no contact do not fight against their wishes. It hurts to feel rejected and feel powerless when someone you care about blocks contact, but it also teaches you to work through your distress and painful feelings and emerge stronger as a result. Babies cry for attention when they feel distressed, adults learn to wait and ride through painful feelings and nurture themselves instead of expecting someone else to care for them or fill needs they can meet for themselves.
Thanks so much for this man. Really needed it.