I Remember You

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I noticed her from the day she walked thru the door in seventh grade. Her name was Amy. I remember how I felt and how my chest became heavy. My skin began to tingle as if it suddenly it became very cold yet my cheeks were warm to the touch. She grasped her book with both hands as she held them to her chest. It was as if time itself was moving in slow motion. It was if her feet didn’t touch the floor as she glided across the room to her desk. She sat approximately 4 rows over and 4 seats down.

I watched the way she played with her long, light brown hair. She would slowly get her fingers and pull her hair behind her ear on the right hand side. I would notice the curves of her cheek as she turned her head to say hello to a friend. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I can remember me actually being excited to get to first period so I could see her every day. Then with no preparation at all…she saw me for the first time. I can remember her looking at me at 12 years old as if it were yesterday.

I raised my hand slowly as if to say hello silently in a room full of sleepy students and a teacher that was rambling on about who knows what. She smiled and slowly waved back. I cannot explain the feeling as a young boy that a beautiful girl could have such an immense affect on me let alone how my heart was feeling. I was convinced something I have never experienced in my life was so right.

I day dreamed of Amy all the time and how I hoped I saw her in the hallway… if only to catch a glimpse. I didn’t know what love was. At this point in my life, I loved my family but it hadn’t felt like this. The days turned into months and she knew not only my name but would say hi to me in the hallway and stop by my locker before school to say hello. I began to watch her lips as she spoke and how they would curve upward ever so slightly when I looked into her soft, blue eyes. They would glisten as if the sun was reflecting off the ocean. She would often look away when I looked into her eyes, sometimes keeping her chin lowered as she would try to hide the smile on her face from me.

She would sometimes call me at night. I would be lying to say I remember any of our long conversations but I know that I looked so forward to those phone calls from her. “David, Amy is on the phone for you”…my father would say. “I got it dad” I would say as I screamed across the house so he would hang up the phone. Her voice was soothing and soft. I can remember her laugh. The wonderful thing about a memory is that I could see her smile and soft, wet lips as they laughed at me over the phone though I was not in front of her. I could imagine her cuddled up on her bed talking to no one else but me. We became as close as 12 year olds could be. I was falling in love with her…my first ever.

The school day started like any other. It was cold outside and I was just dropped off to school by my mother. She didn’t come visit me that day yet I saw her all day. The air was different. Something inside me just didn’t “feel” right. I was sitting in the cafeteria with my friend Ray and I noticed she was sitting with someone new that day. He had blonde hair and his name was Al.

From across the room, I could see how she was staring at him. I could see her smile the same way she used to smile at me. My heart fell to my knees and I suddenly had to leave the cafeteria to get some air. To be honest, I was beginning to tear up and I didn’t want anyone to see, especially her. I have never known what it was like to love until Amy but something else found me. My heart hurt. For the first time, a young boy of 12 knew what it was like to have a broken heart and it was hard to breathe but not like before. This was a different feeling. To think she was not going to call or come by my locker hurt more than anything. I hung my head for a few days and I would silently watch her walk thru the hallways. I saw them often together yet I could say nothing. I didn’t know how to express to anyone let alone admit my love for her to anyone in fear of ridicule and pure embarrassment.

Two weeks later she approached me in the hallway as asked if she could speak with me. I found it hard to look at her though my heart was still hurting, yet I was so happy to be with her…even for a moment. “I didn’t mean to hurt you” she said. “He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes” she went on to explain. “I understand” I blurted softly. I managed a soft smile and said I needed to go as the tears once again shown the glittery faces. I wasn’t angry. I didn’t hate her. I had those feelings of selfishness we have all had at one time or another and I wanted her for my very own. As I began to scuttle away from her she called me. “David, please don’t be upset”. I kept on walking. I couldn’t take it. I had my pride even at 12 to keep me from tearing up in front of any girl let alone one that had broken my young heart.

Time moved on.

We still spoke. It took some time for me to adjust to her relationship. She would even sometimes stop by my locker “just to say hi”. I still felt the love pains every now and then. I would often dream of her while alone in my room. I could still see that sweet smile she had as I drifted off to sleep. The school year ended months later as I was moving away and would not being attending the same school. We would sometimes talk on the phone but communication stopped as time moved on and friends and many grades later kept moving forward… whether I was ready for it or not.

When I was 30 years old, some friends of mine and I decided to go to a local pub downtown as we have not been out together in quite a while. It was a warm summer’s night and the band played on as we laughed and had a few drinks to relax. There was a large group of women at one table with one in particular wearing a white, bridal veil. They were loud but we could tell they were celebrating a friend’s soon-to-be marriage. A friend of mine walked over and they asked him for a gift for the bride and he bought her a drink. Several other women began to walk to our table and ask for gifts for the bride. I had no idea what to do and quite frankly I didn’t think it really mattered. I pretended to ignore the question yet smiling as I drank.

This is a night I will never forget. As I sat in my chair, a beautiful woman in a white wedding veil said “Will you at least sign my shirt?”…I looked up and my jaw dropped. It was my Amy.

God as my witness, she was standing right in front of me …just like when we were 12. The memories flooded my mind and heart at the same time. “Amy…oh my gawd, is that you?”…I managed to choke the words to my question. “Oh my Gawd..David!!?” she had tears streaming down her cheeks. We embraced tightly and didn’t let go for quite some time. I held her hand and told her congratulations on her upcoming marriage.

We shared a few stories about our lives and the night grew longer. We had to leave each other once again. I was able to share some time with someone I never forgot nor will ever forget. She said it was great to see me and vice versa. She began to walk away as she kept turning back at me and smiling the same smile she did over 18 years earlier.

“Amy!!…wait”….I yelled. She walked back to me and I said what I wanted to say so many years ago. “Amy, I loved you so much many years ago but was a coward to tell you because I thought you would laugh at me. I want you to know I never forgot you and I wanted to thank you for being my friend and being the first love of my life. I just wanted you to know that.” There were no tears because the fear of being a 12 year old boy was gone. I had become a man.

“David, if you only knew how much I loved you. You were so special to me. I went out with Al because you never said anything and I was tired of waiting. I always secretly loved you…and I never forgot you either. Thank you for being you. “ She lifted her veil and gave me a soft, lingering kiss on the lips. It was just as I had imagined while lying in my bed so many years ago. “Be happy Amy…love that man like there is tomorrow”..I said. Her last words to me will always make the flesh on my arms stand straight up and my heart skip a beat no matter how much time passes…she said.

“I will love him like I should have loved you David”…

She walked away with her friends. I watched her run across the street holding onto the veil. She disappeared into the darkness but never from my heart. I got my second chance to tell her. I got to tell my first love that I loved her so. Amy..this is for you. Where ever you are, whomever your with.

Be happy… because

I remember you…

Your loving friend,

SuperDave71 (David )

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