The snow slowly begins to fall. The white flakes seem to dance in the wintery sky. The wind chill is very cold yet shoppers still roam the streets in search of their Christmas treasures. Couples hold hands not only for warmth but as a small sign of the season. Everyone is seems happy but me. The season of love and giving is upon us yet the empty space that was once my heart is gone.
In the distance, the bell ringers of a local church sound a haunting melody as if it were calling me to come and listen. Feeling lonely, I began to walk closer to the church. The sign said “The Christmas Story” All are welcome. I slowly walked up the steps and cracked the door. Inside young children all dressed in white continued to play the bells. I found my way to an empty pew, sat down and began to listen. Their white gloves matched as well at their hand and arm movements. You can tell they have practiced for some time. The director was a young woman with long, dark hair who waved her arms to the rhythm as the children watched her for their queues. The church was filled with the melody of familiar tunes of Christmas. One by one the children surrendered their bells and sat in unison behind the pulpit.
Thoughts of leaving soon entered my head but the minister stood, approached slowly to his pulpit and opened his bible. “Here we go again” I thought to myself. I have heard the story since I was a child. How could it be any different than what I have already heard? The minister was an older man probably in his late sixties with short white hair. As he opened his bible, he reached in to his pocket to unfold a black pair of reading glasses and placed them at the end of his nose.
“And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed”…he read. As he read on, my thoughts were consumed of thought of Jenny. The sanctuary echoed with his voice as I began to wonder what she was doing. Was she thinking of me? Did she really mean that it was over between us? Will she comes back to me? Over and over my thoughts would turn over and over in my head.
“And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us” the pastor read on.
My hands were cold as I nervously and compulsively rubbed them over and over. Why was I feeling this way? Why did she have to leave me now? Why couldn’t we just be happy together..I mean we have been through worse together. Candles filled the church as I watched the flames dance and cast long shadows on the walls as ceiling. The place was filled with flowers and Christmas wreaths and the air was light though my heart was heavy.
Suddenly as if time stood still, the pastor spoke words directly to me from that back empty
pew, “And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.”
A warm feeling carried over my body as if I were plunged in a bath of warm water. Two words touched my heart more than even in that passage. “Fear Not”… I felt my nerves settle. My thoughts of Jenny subsided as though someone magically said everything is going to be ok and I suddenly believed it. The choir stood as the pastor sat down and a piano began to play as the choir director raised her arms slowly. A young soloist stepped forward in her red choir robe and began so sing.
“O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining;
It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.”
Her voice was strong yet soothing. A vibration came from within my coat pocket as I fumbled for my cell phone. Not even paying attention, I flipped the phone to check the message and it was from Jenny. It read “Where R U”? My heart began to beat faster and small tears began to form in the corners of my eyes.
“Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
O’er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wise men from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;”
My hands were almost shaking when I responded with a simple “St. Luke’s”. I felt as if my heart was going to burst through my chest. Small tears began to trickle down my cheeks as I waited for a response. It had been weeks since I have heard from her. In all honestly, I though she forgot about me. The phone suddenly lit up and began to vibrate. As I opened it, the words “Fear Not” calmed me. “I will meet you there” it read. She is coming to see me? I’m not even supposed to be here? I just heard the bells and wanted to see where it was coming from.
“Fear Not…”
Do I look ok? What if she tells me she is seeing someone else?
“Fear Not…”
I held my phone after what seems liked a long pause and responded with “Back row”.
The piano stopped play and the choir sat in unison. The pastor stood again and looked out among the congregation. “Some of you come to us because your heart is heavy. Some have come to us because it is a season of peace and love. The pastor looked directly at me, though I was in the back of the church and said these words “Thought your hearts be heavy, fear not, for the Lord is with thee. Remember that Jesus is the reason we celebrate Christmas and it was through him we are truly saved.”
“Fear Not…”
I stared at my phone which seems like an eternity; Nothing. The pastor began to pray and I bowed my head in silence. I was startled as a hand slowly slipped in mine and held it tightly. It was Jenny. She had silently crept into the back of the church, spotted me and made her way beside me.
“Amen..”
I couldn’t believe it was her. Here she was right beside me, holding not only my hand but my heart. Though we said nothing, she silently mouthed something that was indeed my Christmas miracle.
“I love you.”
She squeezed my hand so tightly as if she would never want to let it go and in all honesty I hope she didn’t. In the back of St. Luke’s church love was returned to me on a snowy, winter’s night. Though the choir sang “Joy to the World”…it fell silent on loving ears. She was the love of my life and I knew that God told me to fear not because though she let my side for a short while, she never left my heart.
-SuperDave71
thelovelogic