http://www.thelovelogic.com/forum
“Come on…why won’t they answer?” you begin to ask yourself. The 2nd ring turns into the 5th and now the 8th when you are faced with the sounds of your ex instructing you to “leave a message; I’ll get back to you”. The sound of their voice comforts you…if only for a short while. You snap your phone shut before hearing the beep. “Why won’t they talk to me? All I want to do is say I am sorry and that we can work this out? Why are they making this so difficult?” Your heart beings to ache and your mind begin to wander as it concocts images of someone taking your place in your lover’s arms and your stomach begins to rumble with distaste. The crowded streets seem empty though the hustle and bustle of everyday life surrounds you yet, your thoughts are somewhere else far, far away from the present.
Have you ever been in the situation where you are doing you best to deal with current break the best you can yet the emotions start to swell in your heart and the urge to cry is so much that you just can’t stop? You often find yourself thinking a “break” is merely temporary. You often try to convince yourself that your lover is at home right now grieving over the loss of you. Our hearts and thought can play many cruel images if we let them. Though time passes slowly, nothing can take the thoughts of your ex, your pasts together or a possible solution to your current heartache. You may be going through the actions of daily life; yet your thoughts are somewhere else. Have you ever thought that the word break meant to be broken or to break down? What about heartbreak?
Years ago, I can remember thinking these thoughts. I was no different than you might be right now because my heart was still in the relationship and I assumed my partner’s was too. I figured if my heart was breaking so was theirs. If my heart was filled with love for them, their heart in turn must be filled with the same love for me. Sadly, I was only fooling myself. My heart was trying to convince my head that if I felt this way and my ex told me that she loved me many times before that she must STILL love me . I cannot tell you the harsh reality I had to face when all of my assumptions never came to pass. The feeling of rejection can chill you to the bone as well as sweep your pride right under a rug. You often find yourself trying to win someone back merely because you have to prove it to yourself that you can. There may be love in your heart but your pride is at stake. How dare they reject me based off of nothing! How can someone stop loving me when our relationship was perfect? You have to ask yourself the same question I had to ask myself and that is “who thought the relationship was perfect, you or your ex?” If you’re the one feeling rejected, then your ex did not share the same thoughts or feelings your heart did.
One of the hardest lessons I had to learn growing up is that the world owes me nothing. To put it another way, just because I wanted something to happen and even tried with all my heart to make it happen doesn’t mean it WILL happen. We have to accept the good with the bad; the successes with the failures. Another big lesson was that failure to get what you want doesn’t mean to quit, it means KNOWING when to quit. There is a huge difference between the two. Knowing when to quit doesn’t mean you accepted the outcome, it means you accepted it as not being within your control. No matter how long you were with your ex, you do not control their heart; they do. You may want them back with all that you are but wanting and hoping doesn’t solve your current situation. The heart tries to fight the mind in the beginning. The thoughts that go through your head are endless about your partner. I have been there. I wanted to make each and every thought just disappear but they continued to plague me even when I tried to sleep. Accept the things you cannot change on your own and accept the life lesson each failure brings. How you learn without making mistakes? Experience is the key when it comes to matter of the heart. Problems arise when you try to apply logic to matters of the heart. The way the heart “thinks” is not the same as the brain.
As an example of the above statement, the brain assumes sometimes that if you feel the way you do, that the other party involved possibly feels the same as you do based on the time together and the level of loved shared by both either past or present. This is NOT a true statement. There is no logic when it comes to matters of the heart. Why is it we can be fine one moment and suddenly burst into tears while driving when a thought of your ex pops into your head? There is no rhyme or reason for such reactions but we can learn from all experience if we allow ourselves.
Blaming never solves a problem and neither does arguing. To argue means to defend your pride as well as your need to be right or validated. When has arguing about a break solved anything? If you ex is seeing someone new, it can take the wind right out of your sails yet making threats or foolish phone calls will only make you more foolish in their eyes. What business is it of yours what they do the same as what business it is of theirs what YOU do? An ex relationship, no matter what the cause, doesn’t owe you an explanation. Yes, I realize that is also a tough one to understand but it’s the truth. It’s our hearts that need an explanation. Sometimes when we assume everything is perfect ON BOTH SIDES of the relationship, we end up hurting ourselves more than our partner because we assumed that just because you felt a certain way that they must feel exactly the same, if not similar. Love in its truest form is always returned equally and without asking. If you find yourself asking your partner to love you or DO they love you the chances are you are pushing something that they just don’t feel at the present moment. To push someone is to push them away in my opinion. You can’t make someone love you if they don’t or even worse…you can’t make someone love you AGAIN if they choose not to.
No matter what thoughts go through your head, words solve nothing. You cannot solve weeks, months or possibly years of relationship issues with words. Actions speak louder than any words ever could. If you don’t believe me, ask your friends what words solved when they went through a breakup. I can tell you that the common reactions of begging, pleading, texting and being desperate in any form only pushes your partner further and further away. Who wants to be with someone who is weak and needy? Put yourself in their shoes a while. If you heart just isn’t in the relationship anymore and your ex hounds you over and over again in hopes of convincing you to love them again or give them a second change because you say you will change, how would they look in their eyes? Would you want to see your ex begging you to come back because they miss you or would you rather not see them at all because the breakup was difficult enough regardless? Every situation is different. No one can tell you what will happen in your current situation but, based off of experience with negative behavior chances are you will get a NEGATIVE reaction. Promises made during a break are rarely the glue that holds love together. Love holds love together but it has to be from BOTH parties involved. Why on earth would you want to convince someone with words why they should stay? I cannot tell you how foolish I looked years ago when I was the one that did the begging. I figured it was a way to lovingly convince my ex’s that I loved them. What I didn’t know is that it had the opposite effect. Desperation in ANY form is unattractive.
When rejected, we all have the urge to work out and get our physical appearance in check. I find nothing wrong with this yet if your partner loved you for you, what difference is bulking up or slimming down going to really make in their hearts? The truth is you are working on your side because you can’t face the fact that it is your inside that needs the most work. Please don’t take that last statement the wrong way but the physical appearance is the easy part. Having to look within is the hardest part. The reason is we can look in the mirror and SEE with our own eyes what we need to work on. Looking inside requires much more effort and reflection. To put it another way, it forces us to see what and who we really are not only in our eyes but the eyes of those around us. If you want to put the physical appearance against what is on the inside a different way try this. You can work out and diet all you want. Weeks later you look fabulous but if your partner left you because you were arrogant or egotistical, what does the physical bring with it in your hopes of getting your ex back? Sometimes you just want to feel better. I can completely agree with this but if you are trying to look better in your ex partner’s eyes then you need to look at the real reason(s) they left you in the first place.
Facing the truth can really be humbling. To know that you loved someone so much yet possibly took them for granted means you brought the conclusion on yourself. This is not always the case but there are those that assume when someone loves you that THEY WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. I find this to be a VERY foolish statement because everything that is living needs nurturing. If you neglected a plant of food and water for very long would you expect it to live and grow? Why would you stop nurturing those you love? What is the difference? I want you to listen carefully.
If you learn anything from this thread it’s this:
The moment you assume your partner will never leave you is the exact moment they started to think about leaving you.
This is a very harsh statement to understand but its purpose is simple. Never assume someone will stay with you forever just because they say they love you. If you don’t believe me…tell it to your hear why they just walked out the door and possibly out of your life forever.
Think about it…
-SuperDave71
thelovelogic